I haven't blogged for a while. I guess there was nothing so profound that I felt the urge to write. Now there is. A lot of you know there was a horrible horrible plane crash here in the Superstition mountains right at Thanksgiving. For those of you that didn't hear about it a brief explanation. A divorced husband and two other people went and picked up his three young kids for Thanksgiving. I don't think any one knows yet what happened in that plane but the ex-husband was flying and some how crashed into the side of the mountain. The flames were so clearly seen from all around the East Valley. My one friend had the video of the plane flying across the sky (in the dark) and then the little light disappeared and then a few seconds later.....BOOM !!! You see the impact fire then the fuel tank explodes. It will haunt me for a very very long time. The other connection that made it so real for me was an old friend posted on FaceBook that her family knew the kids and her daughter was close to one of the boys. She posted pictures of the mom, Karen, and her beautiful children.
My heart is so so heavy. It is one thing to hear about something and feel pain and sorrow but when it comes closer to you than you thought it would it becomes unbearable. I can't in any shape or form begin to feel or even imagine the intensity with which this woman's grief has taken over her world. Even as a Christian I don't think I could reach far enough inside to pull out a blessing or the lesson that God may have intended. I have been driving around running errands and when I see the mountain I begin to cry and pray for this mom who now has to somehow get up every morning knowing her children and her ex-husband are gone. How...how does one deal with this. My pain for this mom is so deep and I want to some how swoop in and take her pain away. I want to try and take some of the burden away from her. I know that they have set up special funds to help her financially. That is some kind of relief, but only God can help her find a peace in all of this. I will never look at the mountain in the same way ever again.
My disease seems so small and insignificant right now. It would seem impossible that any one would want to switch places with me but given what this mom has been dealt I bet cancer looks like a better hand then the one she is holding. That is a sad thing to even imagine.
If you are a believer please, please be praying for this woman and the rest of her family who has also been affected by this tragic accident. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. They all have to find the answer within themselves that will give them peace. I know where mine would come from and has come from.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Rose
So this is one of those stories that can only be blogged To big for FB. There is a restaurant here in Payson that I haven't been to in probably three years. It is a great hamburger place called Makeys Grill. I told Suz and Glenn I really wanted to eat there this trip. We were actually going to go for dinner but then realized Glenn had to teach in the valley tonight so we decided to go for lunch. We came home after berry picking and cleaned up and off we went to Makey's. It was kind of crowded because it was lunch time. We were seated way in the back in this kind of secluded booth. I even made a comment that "we are not that bad". Our server came and was the sweetest soul. She just had kind eyes and was a great server. At one point she came to check on us after we got our food. She looked right into my eyes and asked me how everything was. And then she said "besides the food". I smiled back at her and said great. There was an instant connection. She came back later and started to share her story. Her 26 year old daughter has been battling some kind of illness for a while. The doctors can not pinpoint what it is. Some time of leukemia possibly. I guess she has expressed to her mom that she can see the angles and she is ready to go. She also says she can see her Dad and her Grandad waiting for her. "God is having a big party for me up in heaven Mom, when are you gonna come up?" she asked Rose.
By now Suz and I are in tears. Again I ask "why me Lord?" Why am I doing so well? It just blows my mind the way he orchestrates these types of meetings. It makes Him so real so and so big. I am so touched by this woman and her strength in this whole process she is going through. The funny thing is she called me a hero. NOT !!!!!! Just a sister trying to live as God wants me to. He is so loving to allow me to join in Roses' story and be able to pray for her and her daughter J.
Next time I come up I will check in on Rose. From the sound of it her precious daughter will probably already be in heaven. Please pray for Rose and J.
By now Suz and I are in tears. Again I ask "why me Lord?" Why am I doing so well? It just blows my mind the way he orchestrates these types of meetings. It makes Him so real so and so big. I am so touched by this woman and her strength in this whole process she is going through. The funny thing is she called me a hero. NOT !!!!!! Just a sister trying to live as God wants me to. He is so loving to allow me to join in Roses' story and be able to pray for her and her daughter J.
Next time I come up I will check in on Rose. From the sound of it her precious daughter will probably already be in heaven. Please pray for Rose and J.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Just one of those very special mornings.
First off I had chemo on Monday the 15th of August and I actually got out of the house, I drove, and did some errands. That in its self is amazing. I was a day early. Wahoo ! This week went pretty well over all. I had two bad days , Thursday and Friday. In fact Friday I was so grumpy and angry. I was feeling like it was never going to get better. Then on Saturday morning I woke up and the difference was like night and day. I know that one thing I am doing is trying to drink, drink,drink and then drink some more. It is one of the hardest things for me to do. Water or anything for that matter is so unappealing. It almost makes me gag to even drink. But....... my kidneys are in jeopardy and I MUST stay on top of that. In fact I just got up and got my water cup.
I am rambling a little huh? Bear with me. Or should that be bare? Not sure they both look silly. So this morning I armed my self with some long pants and my trusty poop cart and off to do poop duty. The horses have been out on my neighbors pasture and so I clean one side. The mosquitoes have finally arrived, that's why the long pants. So here I am, my five hoofed critters milling around chopping on bits of grass. Blue my needy dog that loves to go where I go. Dakota, Jeff & Ginger's big sweet yellow lab was out with us too. He had a new chew so he was busy with that. There were chickens and roosters clucking about and the best was Phsyco the wonder barn cat. He is always out with me. He loves being out with the horses and chickens. He is such a strange but sweet cat. I was out there thinking it doesn't get much better than this. I just gotta say I am so so grateful for every special morning I get and will continue to cherish each and every one. Mosquitoes and all.
You all do realize that in just a few short weeks summer will be on its way out. You will know when first off because I will let you know when I see the first sign of Bubba's winter coat appearing. He is my barometer for falls coming. He isn't wrong either. Second we will all feel it when we walk out the door in the morning and you feel the slightest of slight coolness in the air. Ahhhhhh.... that is my favorite. Then I can say.... I made it through another AZ summer. Well I guess I better get back to drinking......my water that is. Love to all.
I am rambling a little huh? Bear with me. Or should that be bare? Not sure they both look silly. So this morning I armed my self with some long pants and my trusty poop cart and off to do poop duty. The horses have been out on my neighbors pasture and so I clean one side. The mosquitoes have finally arrived, that's why the long pants. So here I am, my five hoofed critters milling around chopping on bits of grass. Blue my needy dog that loves to go where I go. Dakota, Jeff & Ginger's big sweet yellow lab was out with us too. He had a new chew so he was busy with that. There were chickens and roosters clucking about and the best was Phsyco the wonder barn cat. He is always out with me. He loves being out with the horses and chickens. He is such a strange but sweet cat. I was out there thinking it doesn't get much better than this. I just gotta say I am so so grateful for every special morning I get and will continue to cherish each and every one. Mosquitoes and all.
You all do realize that in just a few short weeks summer will be on its way out. You will know when first off because I will let you know when I see the first sign of Bubba's winter coat appearing. He is my barometer for falls coming. He isn't wrong either. Second we will all feel it when we walk out the door in the morning and you feel the slightest of slight coolness in the air. Ahhhhhh.... that is my favorite. Then I can say.... I made it through another AZ summer. Well I guess I better get back to drinking......my water that is. Love to all.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Good Bye to a very special canine friend.
Monday we said goodbye to Valentine. She was my next door neighbors big black lab mix. Val and I had a very special bond and I will miss that old girl somthin fierce. I can relate to her in such a special way. She was aging the last few years and every summer we would think ahhhhh this is it she won't survive the heat. But the fighter that she was she pushed through and made it into another cooler season. We would sometimes just kind of sit and hang out in my yard and I would look into those big beautiful eyes. She was special for sure.
I love you Valentine sleep in peace my beautiful friend.
Time for head shed........again.
Well now I know it takes about three months to get a good growth of hair. I also know by the third chem it will be gone again. In fact some of it is coming out now. It is shedding in parts that women pay big bucks to get the hair off from. I have to say I have had fun with my cute short doo. It has a nice wave to it and I could spice it up or slick it down. I even had to use a brush on it a couple of times. I giggled when that happened. It was so odd to use a brush. There was even a day where the humidity made it kind of frizzy. Normally that would be a problem but again I had to laugh. I am going to enjoy the no arm pit hair again. That is a plus on the chemo side. No hair or arm pits to shave means you save some money on razors and eventually when the hair is gone you save on shampoo and conditioner. I have had the same shampoo and conditioner for I think at least a year but probably more. It is one of those expensive hair regrowth kind. When I have the shed going on I use a dab of each. This stuff will last me forever I am sure.
I am doing so much better this round of chem. I noticed that the last time I started a new batch. I was so sick after the first one and then it mellowed out. I am very grateful for that. I am a little worried about the kidneys though. The test I did was right after the first chemo so I think the problem was already there. You gotta figure my organs are gonna give out before the "C" gets me. I really have been drinking more too. Probably still not enough though. The 24 hour test is such a pain. I will be finished with that this morning around 7am. Yahoo. More than likely, if I know my doc, it won't be the last one either. Better safe that sorry I guess.
Our new pup Annie is doing really well. Her roomies have some issues with her like biting at their legs and trying to play. It is fun to watch. Everyone gets along great even the cats are getting used to her. She has fallen into our routine for the most part. Her one icky habit is getting up between 2 & 3am and after the potty break she is up and raring to go. She will come in and harass all the dogs on my bed which then of course keeps me up so here we are writing our bog at a very early hour. It's a good thing I don't work anymore. I am not sure I could get up this early and work all day like I used to. Now I go out about 6am clean poop and then I am done until 3:30pm when I feed the dogs and horses again. Not bad schedule right? It can be soooooo boring though.
Anyway just wanted to touch base in a bit of a longer message than just a little on FB. I hope you all have great day and stay cool if you are in AZ or actually most of the country now. Love ya.
I am doing so much better this round of chem. I noticed that the last time I started a new batch. I was so sick after the first one and then it mellowed out. I am very grateful for that. I am a little worried about the kidneys though. The test I did was right after the first chemo so I think the problem was already there. You gotta figure my organs are gonna give out before the "C" gets me. I really have been drinking more too. Probably still not enough though. The 24 hour test is such a pain. I will be finished with that this morning around 7am. Yahoo. More than likely, if I know my doc, it won't be the last one either. Better safe that sorry I guess.
Our new pup Annie is doing really well. Her roomies have some issues with her like biting at their legs and trying to play. It is fun to watch. Everyone gets along great even the cats are getting used to her. She has fallen into our routine for the most part. Her one icky habit is getting up between 2 & 3am and after the potty break she is up and raring to go. She will come in and harass all the dogs on my bed which then of course keeps me up so here we are writing our bog at a very early hour. It's a good thing I don't work anymore. I am not sure I could get up this early and work all day like I used to. Now I go out about 6am clean poop and then I am done until 3:30pm when I feed the dogs and horses again. Not bad schedule right? It can be soooooo boring though.
Anyway just wanted to touch base in a bit of a longer message than just a little on FB. I hope you all have great day and stay cool if you are in AZ or actually most of the country now. Love ya.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Staying connected
Well here it is July 26th already. Just as I imagined the trip to Alaska is behind me and chemo looms before me. Time is sure a funny thing. In the moment you feel as if the day will never end and then blink....... and you are transformed into the future which is really just a month from that very long day.
I have had one chemo treatment already. My PET Scan results were not as I had prayed but not as bad as it could have been. The spots did progress again but in very small increments. We are talking one or two millimeters. So we must press on with the chemo. My body sure knows what is happening. All those nasty side effects that finally went away after three months BAM! are back as if they never left. My plan although I forgot to mention it to my doc are to go four treatments and take a small break. Kind of like two months on and one off. That gives me something to look forward to anyway.
One thing I have noticed is my emotional disconnection. During the week of chemo I am pretty much out of commission. I communicate very little either by phone or computer. I just don't feel like talking. I am trying hard just to endure the yucks. But when that happens there is a huge disconnect in my relationships. I now feel like I am on the outside looking in. My world is in motion but without me in it. I am not really sure how to fix that. I know all my friends are out there praying for me and I know they think about me but inside my head there is a sadness and a loneliness that just kind of tugs at me. I guess I will have to pray about that. Some how I need to stay connected both emotionally and physically.
An update on Annie. She is doing really well. I have discovered she is more puppy than I thought. She has some chewing issues but I have lots of chew toys and treats to help with that. The cats are almost okay with her. They will come out of hiding now and join us in the evening again. She is a real blessing and I do love her so.
I have had one chemo treatment already. My PET Scan results were not as I had prayed but not as bad as it could have been. The spots did progress again but in very small increments. We are talking one or two millimeters. So we must press on with the chemo. My body sure knows what is happening. All those nasty side effects that finally went away after three months BAM! are back as if they never left. My plan although I forgot to mention it to my doc are to go four treatments and take a small break. Kind of like two months on and one off. That gives me something to look forward to anyway.
One thing I have noticed is my emotional disconnection. During the week of chemo I am pretty much out of commission. I communicate very little either by phone or computer. I just don't feel like talking. I am trying hard just to endure the yucks. But when that happens there is a huge disconnect in my relationships. I now feel like I am on the outside looking in. My world is in motion but without me in it. I am not really sure how to fix that. I know all my friends are out there praying for me and I know they think about me but inside my head there is a sadness and a loneliness that just kind of tugs at me. I guess I will have to pray about that. Some how I need to stay connected both emotionally and physically.
An update on Annie. She is doing really well. I have discovered she is more puppy than I thought. She has some chewing issues but I have lots of chew toys and treats to help with that. The cats are almost okay with her. They will come out of hiding now and join us in the evening again. She is a real blessing and I do love her so.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
No matter how hard I try ........
Today is Saturday July 16th. It has been three whole months since I started my break from chemo. I have done so much and seen so much and of course eaten so much. I have been able to spend time with friends and take an amazing trip and even bring a new critter into the family.
But still....... Monday the 18th looms in front of me. I can feel my heart rate increase and I have to take my little white pills to get some good sleep in. No matter how hard I try I can't keep my mind from going to that place of unrest and anticipation. I pray about it and I know I have the faith it takes to get through it but no matter how hard I try I can't forget it.
I have so much to be thankful for. I thank my amazing husband for his thoughtful acts of kindness. Especially making my dream of going to Alaska again come true and his ability to hold his tongue when I walked in the door with a three legged year old dog named Annie. But still ......Monday is only a day away.
On all my other breaks I have always had a cough and even though it sounds gross I was always coughing up flem from my chest. At some point during the breaks I would start coughing up those teeny tiny threads of blood that were reminders of my ever looming disease. This break I noticed I wasn't coughing up anything......until the other day. Right before my PET scan I started coughing up gunk again and sure enough there was the smallest amount of blood mixed in with the gunk. DARN IT !!!!! I am still very hopeful that the "stuff" hasn't gone hog wild inside me. I am thinking if I can just do four more treatments and take another small break. Four treatments is basically two months. I can actually wrap my heart and mind around that number. Living by faith and knowing there is a plan is the only way to get through this. My God wouldn't have gifted me my new special Annie if He didn't have a plan.
My plan of course is turn Annie into a therapy dog and when I am not sitting getting chemo I will be sharing Annie with my friends that are. Be thankful !!!! That's all I can say. Don't focus on the silly stuff. One of my dear FaceBook friends made a comment this week. She said " wow it's only Wednesday". My response to her was" different perspective, wow it's Wednesday already, chemo on Monday". Not that she shouldn't feel like her week is dragging, because I am sure that is how she feels but don't waste time worrying about it. Time goes faster than you think. Another person made the comment that she was 70 year old already, my comment was basically I pray I can reach 70.
I want to tell you all again how much I love all of you. Knowing you are out there praying and cheering me on. Live life to your fullest. Make sure you listen and get all the blessings and gifts God has to offer. I will post results from the PET scan as soon as I can.
But still....... Monday the 18th looms in front of me. I can feel my heart rate increase and I have to take my little white pills to get some good sleep in. No matter how hard I try I can't keep my mind from going to that place of unrest and anticipation. I pray about it and I know I have the faith it takes to get through it but no matter how hard I try I can't forget it.
I have so much to be thankful for. I thank my amazing husband for his thoughtful acts of kindness. Especially making my dream of going to Alaska again come true and his ability to hold his tongue when I walked in the door with a three legged year old dog named Annie. But still ......Monday is only a day away.
On all my other breaks I have always had a cough and even though it sounds gross I was always coughing up flem from my chest. At some point during the breaks I would start coughing up those teeny tiny threads of blood that were reminders of my ever looming disease. This break I noticed I wasn't coughing up anything......until the other day. Right before my PET scan I started coughing up gunk again and sure enough there was the smallest amount of blood mixed in with the gunk. DARN IT !!!!! I am still very hopeful that the "stuff" hasn't gone hog wild inside me. I am thinking if I can just do four more treatments and take another small break. Four treatments is basically two months. I can actually wrap my heart and mind around that number. Living by faith and knowing there is a plan is the only way to get through this. My God wouldn't have gifted me my new special Annie if He didn't have a plan.
My plan of course is turn Annie into a therapy dog and when I am not sitting getting chemo I will be sharing Annie with my friends that are. Be thankful !!!! That's all I can say. Don't focus on the silly stuff. One of my dear FaceBook friends made a comment this week. She said " wow it's only Wednesday". My response to her was" different perspective, wow it's Wednesday already, chemo on Monday". Not that she shouldn't feel like her week is dragging, because I am sure that is how she feels but don't waste time worrying about it. Time goes faster than you think. Another person made the comment that she was 70 year old already, my comment was basically I pray I can reach 70.
I want to tell you all again how much I love all of you. Knowing you are out there praying and cheering me on. Live life to your fullest. Make sure you listen and get all the blessings and gifts God has to offer. I will post results from the PET scan as soon as I can.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
And then along came Annie !
I am not sure if I have mentioned how many animals I had when we moved into our house. There was one dog, named Kaya, she was the best dog ever. A once in a lifetime kind of dog. There were two cats, Grey Kitty and Precious. Precious is still with us and is eighteen years young. As for horsey type animals I had Bubba the mule and Amy, my beautiful buckskin. That was it. Pretty simple.
Through the years there have been several different dogs that have blessed our home. My dear husband is often heard saying things like "NO MORE PETS". I of course hear those words but for some reason I guess I forget. How ridiculous that would be , me with no pets. Like not breathing for me.
So on the Saturday before our trip to Alaska I decided to stop in at PetsMart near the house. I needed some odor killer. In my brain I asked myself "I wonder if they are having the adoption thing today?" I walked in and sure enough there were a couple of portable corrals set up with several dogs and puppies. My eyes went right to Annie. She was in with a few very cute puppies but I didn't even see them. I only saw her. She was so beautiful and so sweet. I had already fallen in love with her when I realized she only had three legs. Yep, she's a cute tripod. It is her right front that is missing which makes things a little tougher.
Well I knew I couldn't take her home because we were leaving and I wouldn't have enough time to get her into our routine. I mentioned to the rescue girl I was very interested but I would have to wait. If she is still available when I get back I will adopt her. This is how I know when things are meant to be, as I drove off from PetsMart I cried like a baby. God had put that dog on my heart and I knew she was going to be part of our family soon. I thought about Annie during my trip. Wondering if she was still available. I was very excited to get home and find out.
Now you all must realize I haven't mentioned Annie to Gary yet. No point in getting into an argument for no reason. When it comes to new pets I am a firm believer in not asking for permission but asking for forgiveness. Once they are in the house they will have a safe and loving home for the rest of their lives. Gary loves them as much as I do. Especially the cats. We came home on Saturday late in the afternoon. On Sunday my friend Dona asked if I wanted to run an errand with her and I did. Off we went towards Alma School and Elliott. While on our way I thought what a perfect time to call Jen and check on Annie. Jen answered the phone and was so excited I called. It seems she didn't even take Annie to the last two PetsMart adoption days in hopes I would really call and adopt her. God thing !!!!!! Jen works and has been keeping Annie in a crate for almost 20 hours a day !! EEEEEEEKKKKKKK !!! She hates doing that and asked if I could pick her up now. God bless Dona, we were half way there as it was and Jen said she could come our way so we agreed to transfer Annie to me ASAP. We met at Guadalupe and McClintok in the parking lot. We were lucky there was a big tree with shade that we could park under and get Annie moved to Dona's car. After a little paperwork we were on our way. Annie is an awesome car traveler. She just lays down and enjoys the ride. On the way home my mind was pondering the approach to take to get her in the house. I decided to go around the back and get her into the yard. That way the other dogs could greet her out in the open. When I went around to the gate I couldn't get it open. Ahhhhhh ! Frustrating. Oh well we are going in the front door, what the heck. I opened the door and we came in. Bustah, Corky and Blue were there to greet Annie in typical dog style, lots of sniffs. Basically Gary came from the office and said "what do we have here? another dog?" "Yep her name is Annie, she has three legs, I love her and she made me cry". End of story, well not really the end but as far as any discussion it was.
Annie fell into place within five minutes. She fits into our groove as if she has been here all her life. I knew she would, that's why I was so intent on adopting her. I knew God had put her in my path for just that reason. One of my desires is to have a therapy dog to take to the cancer clinics and spread some joy. I know I love having a dog come around when I am feeling yucky. Annie is that dog !! I have to do some research and get her into a program. What an inspiration she will be. A three legged dog with a heart as big as the world. Annie is only a year old so hopefully with Gods grace spend many years together spreading cheer and happy times for lots of people.
Through the years there have been several different dogs that have blessed our home. My dear husband is often heard saying things like "NO MORE PETS". I of course hear those words but for some reason I guess I forget. How ridiculous that would be , me with no pets. Like not breathing for me.
So on the Saturday before our trip to Alaska I decided to stop in at PetsMart near the house. I needed some odor killer. In my brain I asked myself "I wonder if they are having the adoption thing today?" I walked in and sure enough there were a couple of portable corrals set up with several dogs and puppies. My eyes went right to Annie. She was in with a few very cute puppies but I didn't even see them. I only saw her. She was so beautiful and so sweet. I had already fallen in love with her when I realized she only had three legs. Yep, she's a cute tripod. It is her right front that is missing which makes things a little tougher.
Well I knew I couldn't take her home because we were leaving and I wouldn't have enough time to get her into our routine. I mentioned to the rescue girl I was very interested but I would have to wait. If she is still available when I get back I will adopt her. This is how I know when things are meant to be, as I drove off from PetsMart I cried like a baby. God had put that dog on my heart and I knew she was going to be part of our family soon. I thought about Annie during my trip. Wondering if she was still available. I was very excited to get home and find out.
Now you all must realize I haven't mentioned Annie to Gary yet. No point in getting into an argument for no reason. When it comes to new pets I am a firm believer in not asking for permission but asking for forgiveness. Once they are in the house they will have a safe and loving home for the rest of their lives. Gary loves them as much as I do. Especially the cats. We came home on Saturday late in the afternoon. On Sunday my friend Dona asked if I wanted to run an errand with her and I did. Off we went towards Alma School and Elliott. While on our way I thought what a perfect time to call Jen and check on Annie. Jen answered the phone and was so excited I called. It seems she didn't even take Annie to the last two PetsMart adoption days in hopes I would really call and adopt her. God thing !!!!!! Jen works and has been keeping Annie in a crate for almost 20 hours a day !! EEEEEEEKKKKKKK !!! She hates doing that and asked if I could pick her up now. God bless Dona, we were half way there as it was and Jen said she could come our way so we agreed to transfer Annie to me ASAP. We met at Guadalupe and McClintok in the parking lot. We were lucky there was a big tree with shade that we could park under and get Annie moved to Dona's car. After a little paperwork we were on our way. Annie is an awesome car traveler. She just lays down and enjoys the ride. On the way home my mind was pondering the approach to take to get her in the house. I decided to go around the back and get her into the yard. That way the other dogs could greet her out in the open. When I went around to the gate I couldn't get it open. Ahhhhhh ! Frustrating. Oh well we are going in the front door, what the heck. I opened the door and we came in. Bustah, Corky and Blue were there to greet Annie in typical dog style, lots of sniffs. Basically Gary came from the office and said "what do we have here? another dog?" "Yep her name is Annie, she has three legs, I love her and she made me cry". End of story, well not really the end but as far as any discussion it was.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I'mmmmmm Back !!!!!!
Well I didn't fall off the face of the earth like it may seem. I did however go to one of the most beautiful spots on earth, Alaska !! This was our third time and it was just as amazing as the first two.
We saw sooooooo many whales. Our whale watching excursion started out rather slow. My thought was okay we were very blessed the first two times so whatever it is it is. Then of course the humpbacks came into view. They are awesome to watch. The problem is they are not as visible and they tend to dive more often. If you are lucky enough to see them dive you get that famous tail fluke and then off they go for 10- 15 minutes maybe. You can't get to close either so you better have some good binocs.
Then as a special blessing the orcas appeared. We have seen them all three cruises. The guides tell us that only about 10% of the tourists get to see them. Well we feel so blessed. We found a pretty big pod and they were stretched out all over the channel we were in. People were yelling out "hey over there" " there's one over there" "look here is two right next to the boat". It was amazing.
Well I could go on and on but I am still catching up on laundry and unpacking some stuff so I will go for now. Hopefully I will not wait so long in between writings.
Glad to be home, well most of me is, not the part that likes the cool weather in Alaska. Love ya all.
We saw sooooooo many whales. Our whale watching excursion started out rather slow. My thought was okay we were very blessed the first two times so whatever it is it is. Then of course the humpbacks came into view. They are awesome to watch. The problem is they are not as visible and they tend to dive more often. If you are lucky enough to see them dive you get that famous tail fluke and then off they go for 10- 15 minutes maybe. You can't get to close either so you better have some good binocs.
Then as a special blessing the orcas appeared. We have seen them all three cruises. The guides tell us that only about 10% of the tourists get to see them. Well we feel so blessed. We found a pretty big pod and they were stretched out all over the channel we were in. People were yelling out "hey over there" " there's one over there" "look here is two right next to the boat". It was amazing.
Well I could go on and on but I am still catching up on laundry and unpacking some stuff so I will go for now. Hopefully I will not wait so long in between writings.
Glad to be home, well most of me is, not the part that likes the cool weather in Alaska. Love ya all.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
To Hot !!!!!!!
I have really been enjoying my break from chemo. I was so blessed to start it when the weather was still good. Now...... not so much. IT"S HOT! I know so many people that can still function outside when it is 108 degrees. I just don't do very well. I do have to say though that the low humidity or as they say...it's a dry heat, makes it tolerable. When I go out in the afternoon to feed I can easily do that without getting even close to heat stroke. The way I have it set up I can pretty much stay in the shade. The animals are so much more adaptable than I am.
One of the problems with summer is what do you do all day???? I get up before the sun, around 4:00am now instead of 3:30. Big deal right... a whole 30 minutes, it helps though. Then I play on the computer until around 6:00am get dressed and head outside for poop duty. Any later than that and it is already to hot. I come in and either jump in the shower or fix breakfast. After my shower it's not like it takes any time to do my hair. Although it is growing some. But still, it only takes a few minutes to do makeup. Whoohoo now it is around 7:00am.........now what? Oh I have things I could do but I am so not motivated. Like sorting out all my doctor type paperwork and file it, or I could go all spiritual and read my bible. For some reason those things just don't grab me, at least everyday they don't. So yesterday I went from the couch to my desk, back to the couch and back to my desk. I repeated that many times, with of course a few rounds in the kitchen to EAT!!! I am still eating healthy trying to prepare for the cruise but I am so bored and think I am eating a little to much to loose any weight. No exercise !!!! I don't think moving from couch to desk to kitchen will actually burn many calories or get my heart rate up for a good cardio workout.
I could write more blog stuff but when you are bored the brain kind of shuts down, at least mine does. I didn't leave the house yesterday so today I need to go SOMEWHERE anywhere just to get out. Ohhh....... I know..... I will go to the new Big Lots and walk around. Of course that means spending a few dollars too. Thank goodness I have a lunch date tomorrow with Dani and I need to go to Sprouts. Well I hope everyone has a productive day. Later gator.
Minnie the wonder horse and other short stories is still coming soon.
One of the problems with summer is what do you do all day???? I get up before the sun, around 4:00am now instead of 3:30. Big deal right... a whole 30 minutes, it helps though. Then I play on the computer until around 6:00am get dressed and head outside for poop duty. Any later than that and it is already to hot. I come in and either jump in the shower or fix breakfast. After my shower it's not like it takes any time to do my hair. Although it is growing some. But still, it only takes a few minutes to do makeup. Whoohoo now it is around 7:00am.........now what? Oh I have things I could do but I am so not motivated. Like sorting out all my doctor type paperwork and file it, or I could go all spiritual and read my bible. For some reason those things just don't grab me, at least everyday they don't. So yesterday I went from the couch to my desk, back to the couch and back to my desk. I repeated that many times, with of course a few rounds in the kitchen to EAT!!! I am still eating healthy trying to prepare for the cruise but I am so bored and think I am eating a little to much to loose any weight. No exercise !!!! I don't think moving from couch to desk to kitchen will actually burn many calories or get my heart rate up for a good cardio workout.
I could write more blog stuff but when you are bored the brain kind of shuts down, at least mine does. I didn't leave the house yesterday so today I need to go SOMEWHERE anywhere just to get out. Ohhh....... I know..... I will go to the new Big Lots and walk around. Of course that means spending a few dollars too. Thank goodness I have a lunch date tomorrow with Dani and I need to go to Sprouts. Well I hope everyone has a productive day. Later gator.
Minnie the wonder horse and other short stories is still coming soon.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
What a week continued.
The line up included; Sue, who is such a dear friend and last year at this time we were headed for Europe. Michelle B., is Sue's youngest and beautiful daughter who I adore. Michelle M., is my BFF dinner partner on Wednesdays and was also on our cruise in Europe. Tracy, I don't have enough paper to describe what Tracy has meant to me, I will save that for another blog story. Erica, I was privileged to work with Eric at church in children's ministry a beautiful lady inside and out. Lori, my special friend and my travel agent who takes such good care of me when we travel, she is the best. Melissa, I understand was part of organizing this little surprise, thank you sweetie you're the best! Jennifer, one of those people you don't see very often but when you do you pick up right where you left off, warm heart. Gina, has one of the biggest hearts you will ever find, we share the love of kids. Jackie, we share a special friendship, we both have had huge health scares and both have survived using our faith in God and our love for life. Of course I mentioned Julia, my best ever hugging friend. Julia also has a heart as big as Texas. Thank you so much for compiling such a great group of friends. We vowed to try and do a get together at least once a year. Till next time then !!!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 10, 2011
I want to share the past week with you'all.
Soon I will start writing a kind of series of stories but first I want to share how I just spent this week with some of my mostest favorite peeps.
It is startling how different our time together was but how much the same it is when it comes to sharing special time with ones you love.
On Monday night Suz arrived at my house around 8:30pm. She bravely drove down from Payson after her grueling kick boxing class. She is one lean mean kicking machine. I have had the honor of watching a couple of her classes and let me tell you, they are intense. We stayed up for a while and talked then off to bed because we had a BIG day ahead. When Suz and I get together we manage to cover an amazing amount of ground in a very short time. I may forget a few stops or even the order in which we traveled but you will get the idea.
So first stop was my cardiologist appointment. The arrival time needed to be around 7:00am. So we were out the door by 6:30am. Of course I had already fed the horses and cleaned poop. We left the doctor's office, which was at Broadway and Power. We headed down the street to the Village Inn for a yummy breakfast, then on to Target at Power & Ray. After we couldn't find exactly what we needed we went across the street to Wally World. Better known as WalMart. Had zero luck at that one. We went back to my house to grab a cheese cake from the freezer. Suz makes the most amazing cheese cakes. This one was headed to a friend at the Superstition Ranch Market near Meridian and Main. Before we went there though we stopped at the WalMart just North of my house. Found what we needed, and of course some items we didn't need but had to have. On to the market. On the way to the market Suz's husband, Glen, called and was meeting us at the market. We shopped and delivered the cheesecake and then headed back to my house to unload all the fruit and veggies. Whew !!!! I am tired all over again. Unloaded groceries then off to Kohls with our 30% coupon. It was Suz's Bday and she had a coupon for free food at Famous Dave's Barbecue. Gotta love those coupons. We still had errands to run but Glenn wasn't really interested in tagging along so we stopped by my house again and dropped him at his car. Off we were to the Michael's at Power and Ray. Sound familiar? We had gone full circle from this morning. Done at Michaels we headed to the house again to feed critters. It was going on 3:30 by now. While I fed the dogs Suz started cleaning and cutting her rhubarb. She also makes 52 different kinds of jam. She is multi-talented, and can multi-task like no body's business. Then we both went out to feed and water the horses. Back in the house and now she is cleaning apricots. Our other BFF Michelle comes and we have a little Lemon Chello. It is a yummy lemon wine. Michelle's Bday was the 6th and Suz's is actually the 8th so were were going to dinner to celebrate. We left for Carrabas about 10 minutes to six. Gary met us there for dinner too. After dinner we walked across the parking lot and enjoyed some gelato. I guess it is around 7:30 or 8:00pm by now. We needed to get to bed so we could be at Kohls by 8:00am because we both had $10 coupons to use. We earned them on our earlier visit today. Heaven forbid you should let a coupon go by. In the morning we went to Einsteins for a quick bagel then Kohls. Suz needed ice so we stopped at a Circle K and headed for home. We packed her car with fruit and veggies and the ever precious purchases from yesterday. She had a very full little Mini-Cooper.
I then had already packed for my next adventure. Gary needed a ride to Phoenix so we left around 9:00am. I dropped him off and headed for the West Valley. I was on my way to see Judi and my beloved girls Cami and Maddie. Judi's husband and son were in California so we had two days of just the girls. I was very excited to see them. They are like my adopted grandbabies. I arrived around 10am. Judi and I used to do the same thing Suz and I did. Now Judi does a lot of running with the three kids and has a very busy schedule. Our favorite thing to do together now is just hang. Spend our time just gellin and talking and spending quality time with the girls. We did head over to Judi's very special friends house to go swimming. I love Gaye too. She is so sweet and warm. We clicked the first time we met I think. We hung around the pool for quite a while just relaxing and catchin some rays. After that we went back to Judi's house. Cami, who is seven, called a friend and asked if she could come over. So that meant it was just Judi, Maddie and me. We headed off to one of the yummiest places to eat. Blu Burger. Yum !!!!!! Judi lives basically at Camelback and Jackrabbit and we went to somewhere north of Westgate. Judi said we were on the edge of Peoria. I have never been to Peoria so now I can claim I was. I know, it's not that exciting but it is always fun to go to new places.
Is this a boring blog? I hope I am not boring you all. It will be nice to have this in writing so I can go back and read it later. It will mean amazing memories for me. If you can't hang I will understand.
After dinner we went back and picked up Cami. We went back to the house and did a little more relaxing. I finally gave in and went to bed at 9:00. Me being the early riser woke up at a very late hour for me 7:00am. It felt good though. Nothing to feed but me!!! I made some coffee and sat out on their back patio. It was there I wrote the intro to my next set of blogs. There were birds to watch and I big crane hauling trusses around for the new houses being built behind their house. Judi and the girls woke around 9:00ish. We then did something I rarely do....NOTHING !!! we just relaxed, made a very healthy and yummy breakfast, watched Marmaduke, made a yummy healthy lunch. Judi needed to take Maddie to the dentist for a filling. Her appointment was at 1:10pm. Cami and I just stayed at home and watched a little more TV. At this point I really have been on the couch most of the day. I loved it and needed it. When Judi and Maddie came home we packed up our swim stuff and headed for Verado to get some gelato. My second round of gelato in just three days. Yum again!!! Maddie was so funny. Her mouth was numb from the dentist. When she smiled she had the cutest crooked smile. Maddie is almost five. She requested chocolate gelato. Oh my !!! We had the gelato experience. There was chocolate everywhere. It was fun!!!! After our tasty treats we went back over to Gaye's house for some more swimming. I got in the pool and did some moving around. After a day on the couch I felt like I needed a little exercise. Gaye made us a wonderful dinner too. After dinner and strawberry shortcake for dessert we went back to Judi's. Judi's husband and son were coming home that evening and Judi had to drive to the airport and pick them up. Their plane came in around 10:00pm. I stayed home with the girls. I went to bed around 10:00. I was tired but in such a relaxed way. It felt so good. In the morning I got up at 6:30. I got dressed and went out on the patio again. Tim came out when he saw me and we chatted for a few minutes. I went in and made a big strong cup of coffee. Pretty soon everyone was up. I planned to leave around 11:00ish so we had a few more hours together. I had recorded the movie Eat Pray and Love for Judi and I to try and watch. With three kids in the house we knew it wasn't going to be easy but that was our goal before I had to come home. We did it !!!! There were a few interruptions but the movie ended just about 11:00. Off Judi went dropping kids here and there and I drove home.
Wow !!! Talk about a vacation. I really had so much fun. Running and running with Suz then chillin and swimmin with the girls. Lots of memories made in just a couple of days. Thank you Suz and Judi. I am so blessed to have both of you in my life. Love you!!!!
It is startling how different our time together was but how much the same it is when it comes to sharing special time with ones you love.
On Monday night Suz arrived at my house around 8:30pm. She bravely drove down from Payson after her grueling kick boxing class. She is one lean mean kicking machine. I have had the honor of watching a couple of her classes and let me tell you, they are intense. We stayed up for a while and talked then off to bed because we had a BIG day ahead. When Suz and I get together we manage to cover an amazing amount of ground in a very short time. I may forget a few stops or even the order in which we traveled but you will get the idea.
So first stop was my cardiologist appointment. The arrival time needed to be around 7:00am. So we were out the door by 6:30am. Of course I had already fed the horses and cleaned poop. We left the doctor's office, which was at Broadway and Power. We headed down the street to the Village Inn for a yummy breakfast, then on to Target at Power & Ray. After we couldn't find exactly what we needed we went across the street to Wally World. Better known as WalMart. Had zero luck at that one. We went back to my house to grab a cheese cake from the freezer. Suz makes the most amazing cheese cakes. This one was headed to a friend at the Superstition Ranch Market near Meridian and Main. Before we went there though we stopped at the WalMart just North of my house. Found what we needed, and of course some items we didn't need but had to have. On to the market. On the way to the market Suz's husband, Glen, called and was meeting us at the market. We shopped and delivered the cheesecake and then headed back to my house to unload all the fruit and veggies. Whew !!!! I am tired all over again. Unloaded groceries then off to Kohls with our 30% coupon. It was Suz's Bday and she had a coupon for free food at Famous Dave's Barbecue. Gotta love those coupons. We still had errands to run but Glenn wasn't really interested in tagging along so we stopped by my house again and dropped him at his car. Off we were to the Michael's at Power and Ray. Sound familiar? We had gone full circle from this morning. Done at Michaels we headed to the house again to feed critters. It was going on 3:30 by now. While I fed the dogs Suz started cleaning and cutting her rhubarb. She also makes 52 different kinds of jam. She is multi-talented, and can multi-task like no body's business. Then we both went out to feed and water the horses. Back in the house and now she is cleaning apricots. Our other BFF Michelle comes and we have a little Lemon Chello. It is a yummy lemon wine. Michelle's Bday was the 6th and Suz's is actually the 8th so were were going to dinner to celebrate. We left for Carrabas about 10 minutes to six. Gary met us there for dinner too. After dinner we walked across the parking lot and enjoyed some gelato. I guess it is around 7:30 or 8:00pm by now. We needed to get to bed so we could be at Kohls by 8:00am because we both had $10 coupons to use. We earned them on our earlier visit today. Heaven forbid you should let a coupon go by. In the morning we went to Einsteins for a quick bagel then Kohls. Suz needed ice so we stopped at a Circle K and headed for home. We packed her car with fruit and veggies and the ever precious purchases from yesterday. She had a very full little Mini-Cooper.
I then had already packed for my next adventure. Gary needed a ride to Phoenix so we left around 9:00am. I dropped him off and headed for the West Valley. I was on my way to see Judi and my beloved girls Cami and Maddie. Judi's husband and son were in California so we had two days of just the girls. I was very excited to see them. They are like my adopted grandbabies. I arrived around 10am. Judi and I used to do the same thing Suz and I did. Now Judi does a lot of running with the three kids and has a very busy schedule. Our favorite thing to do together now is just hang. Spend our time just gellin and talking and spending quality time with the girls. We did head over to Judi's very special friends house to go swimming. I love Gaye too. She is so sweet and warm. We clicked the first time we met I think. We hung around the pool for quite a while just relaxing and catchin some rays. After that we went back to Judi's house. Cami, who is seven, called a friend and asked if she could come over. So that meant it was just Judi, Maddie and me. We headed off to one of the yummiest places to eat. Blu Burger. Yum !!!!!! Judi lives basically at Camelback and Jackrabbit and we went to somewhere north of Westgate. Judi said we were on the edge of Peoria. I have never been to Peoria so now I can claim I was. I know, it's not that exciting but it is always fun to go to new places.
Is this a boring blog? I hope I am not boring you all. It will be nice to have this in writing so I can go back and read it later. It will mean amazing memories for me. If you can't hang I will understand.
After dinner we went back and picked up Cami. We went back to the house and did a little more relaxing. I finally gave in and went to bed at 9:00. Me being the early riser woke up at a very late hour for me 7:00am. It felt good though. Nothing to feed but me!!! I made some coffee and sat out on their back patio. It was there I wrote the intro to my next set of blogs. There were birds to watch and I big crane hauling trusses around for the new houses being built behind their house. Judi and the girls woke around 9:00ish. We then did something I rarely do....NOTHING !!! we just relaxed, made a very healthy and yummy breakfast, watched Marmaduke, made a yummy healthy lunch. Judi needed to take Maddie to the dentist for a filling. Her appointment was at 1:10pm. Cami and I just stayed at home and watched a little more TV. At this point I really have been on the couch most of the day. I loved it and needed it. When Judi and Maddie came home we packed up our swim stuff and headed for Verado to get some gelato. My second round of gelato in just three days. Yum again!!! Maddie was so funny. Her mouth was numb from the dentist. When she smiled she had the cutest crooked smile. Maddie is almost five. She requested chocolate gelato. Oh my !!! We had the gelato experience. There was chocolate everywhere. It was fun!!!! After our tasty treats we went back over to Gaye's house for some more swimming. I got in the pool and did some moving around. After a day on the couch I felt like I needed a little exercise. Gaye made us a wonderful dinner too. After dinner and strawberry shortcake for dessert we went back to Judi's. Judi's husband and son were coming home that evening and Judi had to drive to the airport and pick them up. Their plane came in around 10:00pm. I stayed home with the girls. I went to bed around 10:00. I was tired but in such a relaxed way. It felt so good. In the morning I got up at 6:30. I got dressed and went out on the patio again. Tim came out when he saw me and we chatted for a few minutes. I went in and made a big strong cup of coffee. Pretty soon everyone was up. I planned to leave around 11:00ish so we had a few more hours together. I had recorded the movie Eat Pray and Love for Judi and I to try and watch. With three kids in the house we knew it wasn't going to be easy but that was our goal before I had to come home. We did it !!!! There were a few interruptions but the movie ended just about 11:00. Off Judi went dropping kids here and there and I drove home.
Wow !!! Talk about a vacation. I really had so much fun. Running and running with Suz then chillin and swimmin with the girls. Lots of memories made in just a couple of days. Thank you Suz and Judi. I am so blessed to have both of you in my life. Love you!!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Kids and horses.. it doesn't get much better than that.
So today I had some long time friends come to visit. Jennifer, Gabrielle, Trey, Ethan and Josie. I first met Jen and her husband Mark at our old church. Of course I fell in love with Gabrielle because she was and still is such a sweet and beautiful child. I used to work in the children's ministry so I got to watch Gabrielle grow. Soon Trey came along. When I wasn't working in the kids' room I was holding a baby and for a long time it was Trey. I would see Jen and Mark come in and I would scoop Trey from their arms during worship music. For me that was such a joy. Holding that sweet baby while the music played. I felt so close to God then. It was my way of worshipping.
Gary and I left that church and moved on. I remember always saying to Mark (our old pastor) that I wish I could find a way to merge my love of horses with my love of kids. Several years later I did just that when I used to give lessons. Oh what a time we had. When I was diagnosed I had to give up the lessons because I just didn't have the energy it took. I am still very close with several of my old students. A few will stop by and play with me when they get a chance.
Jen and I stayed in touch. She also had two more beautiful children in that time. Through the years they have blessed me with visits and some very yummy food I might add. Today was one of those visits. We were talking and realized it has been two years since they first came to ride. Wow !!! Josie, the youngest was just two then. When we put her up on a horse we couldn't get her down. She LOVED !!! it. Today she actually got to ride all be herself on my amazing little horse Minnie. Talk about a gift from Go. Minnie is just that. Some day I will have to tell the stories of how my animals came to me. They ARE so gifts from God.
After we were done Gabrielle handed me a folded piece of paper and said she had written a poem for me. I am going to share that with you all. This is why I exist.
Leslie's Farm
Come to a farm where there's lots to do.
Chickens to feed and horses to groom.
Now meet the horses - Amy in the lead,
Then there's Bubba the mule who's stubborn and sweet.
Stray's second best, then Ginger who's proud, And all the dogs are friendly and loud.
The cats are shy, the chicks watch from the gate,
Now come here and start! No need to wait.
The owner of the farm is pretty and nice,
she's warm as a cookie, not cold as ice!
Her name is Leslie,she's as kind as can be,
If you like the description she's the person to see!
By Gabrielle S.
June 2,2011
Is that not the cutest thing ever !!!! Gabrielle is one of the girls that also sang me that amazing song a little while back. She didn't realize though that she left out Minnie, the wonder horse. That' okay, I even have a hard time remembering all my critters.
Gary and I left that church and moved on. I remember always saying to Mark (our old pastor) that I wish I could find a way to merge my love of horses with my love of kids. Several years later I did just that when I used to give lessons. Oh what a time we had. When I was diagnosed I had to give up the lessons because I just didn't have the energy it took. I am still very close with several of my old students. A few will stop by and play with me when they get a chance.
Jen and I stayed in touch. She also had two more beautiful children in that time. Through the years they have blessed me with visits and some very yummy food I might add. Today was one of those visits. We were talking and realized it has been two years since they first came to ride. Wow !!! Josie, the youngest was just two then. When we put her up on a horse we couldn't get her down. She LOVED !!! it. Today she actually got to ride all be herself on my amazing little horse Minnie. Talk about a gift from Go. Minnie is just that. Some day I will have to tell the stories of how my animals came to me. They ARE so gifts from God.
After we were done Gabrielle handed me a folded piece of paper and said she had written a poem for me. I am going to share that with you all. This is why I exist.
Leslie's Farm
Come to a farm where there's lots to do.
Chickens to feed and horses to groom.
Now meet the horses - Amy in the lead,
Then there's Bubba the mule who's stubborn and sweet.
Stray's second best, then Ginger who's proud, And all the dogs are friendly and loud.
The cats are shy, the chicks watch from the gate,
Now come here and start! No need to wait.
The owner of the farm is pretty and nice,
she's warm as a cookie, not cold as ice!
Her name is Leslie,she's as kind as can be,
If you like the description she's the person to see!
By Gabrielle S.
June 2,2011
Is that not the cutest thing ever !!!! Gabrielle is one of the girls that also sang me that amazing song a little while back. She didn't realize though that she left out Minnie, the wonder horse. That' okay, I even have a hard time remembering all my critters.
Chemo Drugs are such a confusing drug....why you ask?
Knowing your body is so very important going into chemo. Knowing what aches and pains you had before and any weird habits or strange patches of skin. For instance many of you know I was addicted to nose spray. For the last several years 4 Way brand has been my spray of choice. I don't go anywhere with out my spray. I can NOT stand the feeling of not being able to breathe through my nose. Like right now as I type I am feeling a little stuffy.
Well after several treatments of chemo I realized I wasn't using my nose spray as much. Just before I took this break I probably used my spray maybe once a month.How strange is that? Even stranger is now that I am on a break from chemo I am stuffed up a lot. I am trying not to use the spray but find it very difficult not to. So believe it or not chemo was good for keeping my nose clear, weird huh?
Okay, here is another weird one. I used to have this very rough spot of skin on my left knee. Gone !!!!! Yep, chemo changed it back to normal. I just checked it to make sure it was still gone and it is.
Of course you have all heard that when you loose your hair from chemo it will many times grow back the opposite of what it was. Like if you have curly it will grow back straight and vice versa. I have also heard it can grow back a different color. As short as mine still is it looks very straight compared to what it was. A funny story, I was in a grocery store and a women stopped me and said "you look so familiar to me. Did you recently cut your hair? Really???? I just looked at her and smiled and I said " when it fell out I did". Oh she said kind of embarrassed. I wasn't trying to be mean or a smart ass I just couldn't believe she would think I would cut it that short on purpose. On the good side I guess it looks pretty normal right now. It is still very short but filling in. I am not sure I want long hair again. I really am used to this look.
Now don't get me wrong. I still think chemo drugs are nasty. But at least when you have to have them look for interesting things they affect.
Well today and tomorrow I have some of my favorite kids coming to play with me and the horses. I am just so thankful I feel good and the weather is still cool enough that we can have some fun with the critters. If any one takes pics I am sure they will be on FaceBook so I will grab and post on my blog too.
Love you all so much. I now have 15 followers, WOW!!!!!! that is amazing. I know I don't post all that often now so thanks for hanging in there with me. I will try to be inspired to write more and try to remember to write stuff down too.
I am reading Betty White's new book (Thanks to my friend Dona who loaned it to me) and it is written similar to how I think I would or do write. She is a hoot.
Well after several treatments of chemo I realized I wasn't using my nose spray as much. Just before I took this break I probably used my spray maybe once a month.How strange is that? Even stranger is now that I am on a break from chemo I am stuffed up a lot. I am trying not to use the spray but find it very difficult not to. So believe it or not chemo was good for keeping my nose clear, weird huh?
Okay, here is another weird one. I used to have this very rough spot of skin on my left knee. Gone !!!!! Yep, chemo changed it back to normal. I just checked it to make sure it was still gone and it is.
Of course you have all heard that when you loose your hair from chemo it will many times grow back the opposite of what it was. Like if you have curly it will grow back straight and vice versa. I have also heard it can grow back a different color. As short as mine still is it looks very straight compared to what it was. A funny story, I was in a grocery store and a women stopped me and said "you look so familiar to me. Did you recently cut your hair? Really???? I just looked at her and smiled and I said " when it fell out I did". Oh she said kind of embarrassed. I wasn't trying to be mean or a smart ass I just couldn't believe she would think I would cut it that short on purpose. On the good side I guess it looks pretty normal right now. It is still very short but filling in. I am not sure I want long hair again. I really am used to this look.
Now don't get me wrong. I still think chemo drugs are nasty. But at least when you have to have them look for interesting things they affect.
Well today and tomorrow I have some of my favorite kids coming to play with me and the horses. I am just so thankful I feel good and the weather is still cool enough that we can have some fun with the critters. If any one takes pics I am sure they will be on FaceBook so I will grab and post on my blog too.
Love you all so much. I now have 15 followers, WOW!!!!!! that is amazing. I know I don't post all that often now so thanks for hanging in there with me. I will try to be inspired to write more and try to remember to write stuff down too.
I am reading Betty White's new book (Thanks to my friend Dona who loaned it to me) and it is written similar to how I think I would or do write. She is a hoot.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
When can you pull out the "C" card?
Well you probably shouldn't use the C card at all but sometimes it does come in handy.
What is the "C" card you ask......? It is using your disease to pull rank on others or even to gain some special treatment. Is that wrong? Yes it is but sometimes it just happens. Not having hair makes this so much easier too. You really don't have to say or ask for much, it just pretty much happens. Here a few things that you could get if you play the "C" card;
Get seated faster in a resteraunt
Get moved to the front of the line in a crowded bathroom
Get moved to the front of the line at Disneyland rides
Get some one to carry your bags in from the car
Get your spouse to take you or pay for amazing vacation trips(Thank you honey)
Get to eat whatever you want in between treatments
Get people to open doors for you
I know there are more but I just can't think of any right now. Don't think of your disease as a burden, think of it as a bonus and be thankful you don't have to wait in that long bathroom line any more.
Just kidding, but I have noticed a little bit of a difference in the way people react to me when I am not wearing my wig....which is quite often. I tend to forget I have no hair and I will be out and about and notice people kind of looking at me. Then I suddenly remember.... oh yeah I don't have any hair. It has never never bothered me though. I am not sure I will ever have a full head of hair again and that's okay. I have been looking at some other wigs just to spice it up a bit. Don't be surprised if we meet for lunch and I am a sassy red head. I really have learned to love the freedom of no hair. I have kind of gotten of the subject but I have to tell you to funnies about the hair thing.
First, My BFF Suz and I were eating at Kona Grill. We were out on the patio and there was quite a breeze blowing. Suz was messing with her hair and rifeling through her purse. Then all of a sudden she starts laughing, and mean a hard laugh. She finally is able to speak and says" I was going to ask you if you had an extra hair tie" Well we both cracked up.
Second, Suz and I were driving up in Payson and we had the windows down. I could feel the wind on my face and my head. For a brief moment I had a thought that I need to put the window up a little because I didn't want to mess up my hair. I made myself giggle.
It is important to find joy in everything you do and everything you are. Have a great day and be blessed and be a blessing. It feels great at either end.
What is the "C" card you ask......? It is using your disease to pull rank on others or even to gain some special treatment. Is that wrong? Yes it is but sometimes it just happens. Not having hair makes this so much easier too. You really don't have to say or ask for much, it just pretty much happens. Here a few things that you could get if you play the "C" card;
Get seated faster in a resteraunt
Get moved to the front of the line in a crowded bathroom
Get moved to the front of the line at Disneyland rides
Get some one to carry your bags in from the car
Get your spouse to take you or pay for amazing vacation trips(Thank you honey)
Get to eat whatever you want in between treatments
Get people to open doors for you
I know there are more but I just can't think of any right now. Don't think of your disease as a burden, think of it as a bonus and be thankful you don't have to wait in that long bathroom line any more.
Just kidding, but I have noticed a little bit of a difference in the way people react to me when I am not wearing my wig....which is quite often. I tend to forget I have no hair and I will be out and about and notice people kind of looking at me. Then I suddenly remember.... oh yeah I don't have any hair. It has never never bothered me though. I am not sure I will ever have a full head of hair again and that's okay. I have been looking at some other wigs just to spice it up a bit. Don't be surprised if we meet for lunch and I am a sassy red head. I really have learned to love the freedom of no hair. I have kind of gotten of the subject but I have to tell you to funnies about the hair thing.
First, My BFF Suz and I were eating at Kona Grill. We were out on the patio and there was quite a breeze blowing. Suz was messing with her hair and rifeling through her purse. Then all of a sudden she starts laughing, and mean a hard laugh. She finally is able to speak and says" I was going to ask you if you had an extra hair tie" Well we both cracked up.
Second, Suz and I were driving up in Payson and we had the windows down. I could feel the wind on my face and my head. For a brief moment I had a thought that I need to put the window up a little because I didn't want to mess up my hair. I made myself giggle.
It is important to find joy in everything you do and everything you are. Have a great day and be blessed and be a blessing. It feels great at either end.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Mortality........ when it becomes so real.
Yesterday was Madison Jacobs' pre-K graduation. A whole stage full of cute sweet innocent spirits ready to move on to kindergarten. Doesn't get any cuter than that.
While sitting there with my eyes glued on my Maddie that is when everything becomes so real. In those moments you realize how fragile life is. I can remember sitting with Judi on one of our typical Thursdays when we always got together and we would watch Cambria, who is now seven, roll around on the floor. We would talk about her growing up and when she would get married. Of course I would be there for that......or will I? Wow I know I am not supposed to think like that but when you are watching your precious babies grow and move on you have to stop and wonder. What is the plan? My plan is to be around to see Jordan grow up and see Ryan, Cami and Maddie graduate from college, high school and maybe even a marriage or two.
I am not sure what His plan is though. Again it is my job to be obedient and faithful and enjoy every moment that I am given as a special and wonderful gift.
To Ryan, Cambria and Madison
I love you like you were my own grand kids and feel so honored to be a part of your lives. Thanks for so many memories and all the love you give me.
Miss Leslie
While sitting there with my eyes glued on my Maddie that is when everything becomes so real. In those moments you realize how fragile life is. I can remember sitting with Judi on one of our typical Thursdays when we always got together and we would watch Cambria, who is now seven, roll around on the floor. We would talk about her growing up and when she would get married. Of course I would be there for that......or will I? Wow I know I am not supposed to think like that but when you are watching your precious babies grow and move on you have to stop and wonder. What is the plan? My plan is to be around to see Jordan grow up and see Ryan, Cami and Maddie graduate from college, high school and maybe even a marriage or two.
I am not sure what His plan is though. Again it is my job to be obedient and faithful and enjoy every moment that I am given as a special and wonderful gift.
To Ryan, Cambria and Madison
I love you like you were my own grand kids and feel so honored to be a part of your lives. Thanks for so many memories and all the love you give me.
Miss Leslie
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Write it down NOW!!!!
So the thing about writing when you get to be my age is that when you have a great thought about something WRITE IT DOWN !!! Learn to carry some paper and a writing utensil around with you at all times....even in bed. The reason I say this is because not once but twice now I have had some really inspirational thoughts run through my head. I write in my mind and then I am to tired or am in the car and don't bother to write it down ASAP. "Oh I can write it in the morning" I say to myself. Then when self wakes up the beautiful thoughts are gone.
BUMMER !!!!!
I had a wonderful time in Seattle with my son Jeremy, his significant other Jessica, Jessica's mom Kathy and of course my little man Jordan. What a special gift he is to me. We really had some great bonding time. He is at the age that he will start remembering me and the things we do together.
Also in Seattle I got to spend a little time with my dear friends Angie and Rob. They are some of the nicest people and I miss them so. Then Jeremy and Jordan and I had breakfast with his friend Mike and his lovely wife Karen. The funny story about Mike and Jeremy is they were friends way back when Jeremy was in high school. We lived in California in a town called San Dimas. Mike and JB would hang out and as I found out recently and got in a bit of trouble here and there together. Then Jeremy moved up to San Jose and he and Mike were there together too. Jeremy moved up to Seattle after a couple of years and lost touch with Mike. Thanks to FaceBook they reconnected and found out they only lived about 20 minutes from each other. They have both grown up and turns out they are pretty cool guys.
Well enough jibberish for now. Hopefully I will remember some of those brilliant thoughts I had and be able to share them. If not we can only hope I have some more and I write them down!!!!!
Love you all !!!!! Have a blessed Sunday.
BUMMER !!!!!
I had a wonderful time in Seattle with my son Jeremy, his significant other Jessica, Jessica's mom Kathy and of course my little man Jordan. What a special gift he is to me. We really had some great bonding time. He is at the age that he will start remembering me and the things we do together.
Also in Seattle I got to spend a little time with my dear friends Angie and Rob. They are some of the nicest people and I miss them so. Then Jeremy and Jordan and I had breakfast with his friend Mike and his lovely wife Karen. The funny story about Mike and Jeremy is they were friends way back when Jeremy was in high school. We lived in California in a town called San Dimas. Mike and JB would hang out and as I found out recently and got in a bit of trouble here and there together. Then Jeremy moved up to San Jose and he and Mike were there together too. Jeremy moved up to Seattle after a couple of years and lost touch with Mike. Thanks to FaceBook they reconnected and found out they only lived about 20 minutes from each other. They have both grown up and turns out they are pretty cool guys.
Well enough jibberish for now. Hopefully I will remember some of those brilliant thoughts I had and be able to share them. If not we can only hope I have some more and I write them down!!!!!
Love you all !!!!! Have a blessed Sunday.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wedding Hoopla
I read a few comments here and there about all the fuss over the royal wedding and how a few people were not interested at all. I can understand that. Every channel was dedicated to this event.
I wasn't able to watch the actual wedding so I taped a highlight show. I just finished watching most of it. WOW!!!! It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. After all this world has seen some incredible devastation the past six months or so. This wedding to me is God's gift that there is still joy in the midst of trials. This wedding is world history. How often can you say you were alive when this or that happened. We will be able to look back and tell our grand kids about the terrible earthquake that destroyed so much of Japan and about a beautiful love story between two people. It is a love story for sure. To be in the eye of the public and still be so in love and not afraid to show it. To me that is courage and determination and shows they are truly deserving of their titles.
I am very grateful that I was able to watch this couple join as one and start a life together as royalty. It is so fairytailish. Is that a word? Probably not. So for me all the hoopla was very worth it. It brought a joy to my heart that I won't soon forget.
I'm just sayin !!!!
I wasn't able to watch the actual wedding so I taped a highlight show. I just finished watching most of it. WOW!!!! It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. After all this world has seen some incredible devastation the past six months or so. This wedding to me is God's gift that there is still joy in the midst of trials. This wedding is world history. How often can you say you were alive when this or that happened. We will be able to look back and tell our grand kids about the terrible earthquake that destroyed so much of Japan and about a beautiful love story between two people. It is a love story for sure. To be in the eye of the public and still be so in love and not afraid to show it. To me that is courage and determination and shows they are truly deserving of their titles.
I am very grateful that I was able to watch this couple join as one and start a life together as royalty. It is so fairytailish. Is that a word? Probably not. So for me all the hoopla was very worth it. It brought a joy to my heart that I won't soon forget.
I'm just sayin !!!!
Another blessed day
Well yesterday I had something totally different on my calendar then what actually happened and boy am I glad. I had planned on going to a horsey thing. It would have been fun and informative I am sure. But instead I spent the day with two of my favorite girls.
Cambria is seven now. I first met Cami when she was in her Mommy's tummy. Judi and Tim were our bible study leaders. Judi was very pregnant and instead of listening to Tim I would stare at Cami swirling around in Judi's tummy. It was mesmerising. Cami was a very active girl already and she hadn't even been introduced to the outside world yet. We should have known. Cami has blossomed into a beautiful girl with an active spirit. I know she will be something very special when she grows up. She takes after her daddy for sure.
Then there is Miss Madison. By the time Maddie was born Judi and I had developed a very very special relationship. Even though our ages were to close to be mother and daughter ( I am very much older than Judi but I would have had to be pretty darn young to have been her mother) we had kind of that special bond a mother and daughter might have. I was very blessed to be in the delivery room with family when Maddie was born. All I can say is WOW!!!! What an experience to see that brand new life right after she was born. Even though I wasn't a blood relative to me Maddie was my third grand baby.
Tim and Judi have an son, Ryan, who is now 10 if I can remember right. Ryan was 2 when I first met him.
So for about the first five years or so of the girls life I was like a grandma in tow. Tim's mom lives up in the Northwest and came as often as she could to see the kids. But for me, what an amazing blessing in my life. For those of you who know me there are two things in this world that make me tick. Kids and animals. I am so grateful that Tim and Judi let me be such a big part of the kids lives.
Yesterday was such a wonderful day. The girls were on their best behavior and we all had such fun. Cami remembered to where jeans and boots so she could ride and ride we did. Both Cami and Maddie rode little Minnie around and around by themselves. I was so proud of them and my Minnie. What a special little horse she is. She was a gift from the very beginning. Just one of those horses that takes such good care of her rider.
I am kinda blabbing along here but I just had to share my wonderful day with the girls. Just one of my perks in life. Just a few more days and I will be with Jordan. Whew....... I will be on overload I am sure.
I can hear a chicken outside having a fit. I wonder what's up? I will grab some clothes and go find out. After all the sun is up so I best be gettin to my chores. That's country lingo you know.
Love you all !!!!!
Cambria is seven now. I first met Cami when she was in her Mommy's tummy. Judi and Tim were our bible study leaders. Judi was very pregnant and instead of listening to Tim I would stare at Cami swirling around in Judi's tummy. It was mesmerising. Cami was a very active girl already and she hadn't even been introduced to the outside world yet. We should have known. Cami has blossomed into a beautiful girl with an active spirit. I know she will be something very special when she grows up. She takes after her daddy for sure.
Then there is Miss Madison. By the time Maddie was born Judi and I had developed a very very special relationship. Even though our ages were to close to be mother and daughter ( I am very much older than Judi but I would have had to be pretty darn young to have been her mother) we had kind of that special bond a mother and daughter might have. I was very blessed to be in the delivery room with family when Maddie was born. All I can say is WOW!!!! What an experience to see that brand new life right after she was born. Even though I wasn't a blood relative to me Maddie was my third grand baby.
Tim and Judi have an son, Ryan, who is now 10 if I can remember right. Ryan was 2 when I first met him.
So for about the first five years or so of the girls life I was like a grandma in tow. Tim's mom lives up in the Northwest and came as often as she could to see the kids. But for me, what an amazing blessing in my life. For those of you who know me there are two things in this world that make me tick. Kids and animals. I am so grateful that Tim and Judi let me be such a big part of the kids lives.
Yesterday was such a wonderful day. The girls were on their best behavior and we all had such fun. Cami remembered to where jeans and boots so she could ride and ride we did. Both Cami and Maddie rode little Minnie around and around by themselves. I was so proud of them and my Minnie. What a special little horse she is. She was a gift from the very beginning. Just one of those horses that takes such good care of her rider.
I am kinda blabbing along here but I just had to share my wonderful day with the girls. Just one of my perks in life. Just a few more days and I will be with Jordan. Whew....... I will be on overload I am sure.
I can hear a chicken outside having a fit. I wonder what's up? I will grab some clothes and go find out. After all the sun is up so I best be gettin to my chores. That's country lingo you know.
Love you all !!!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
BFFs The The Ying and Yang
Best friends.
They are like having your favorite dessert every night.
They are your anchor when you feel like you are drifting out to sea.
They are solid ground when you feel like you are sinking in the mud.
They are like a child's giggle when you tickle their belly.
They are your sunshine on those cloudy days.
They are a sound proof room when you have to scream.
They are a warm cozy blanket on a chilly day in spring.
They are your navigator when you it seems you are a little lost.
They can finish any sentence you begin to speak.
They will be there to join you when you want to act silly.
I just spent a few days with my BFF. Wow !!!! What a reminder of just how important she is in my life. We can sit and talk about everything and the time just flys by. When we sit and talk I feel so connected and I know she is listening!!! That is something I think every person on earth finds important. Some one who will listen. We don't want you to fix anything, we don't necessarily need any advice. We DO want validation and encouragement. I believe that advice and encouragement are two different beasts. I guess it is all in the delivery.
My BFF and I can also be very silly and have fun doing goofy things. She lives in Payson and now is the time for elk to be wandering all about. We set out at 5:30am on Wednesday morn in search of elk. We weren't able to find any then but decided to do another hunt at dusk. Several people gave us the best spots to find them. We cooked a great meal and took of just before dusk. We went to a spot that was not only elk friendly but was so beautiful. There was a creek and lots of greenery and trees. We did spot a couple of does. We stopped the car and the girls looked our way. We were so excited. We weren't sure if they were BFFs or maybe even mom and daughter. They did seem to rely on each other for safety. Just like my BFF and me. We didn't see any other elk but maybe that is just the way it was supposed to be. Two very different pair of friends but yet maybe very much the same.
My prayer is for everyone to find that special friend that you can always count on to be where ever you need them to be when ever you need them. I hope I made sense. I know what I am feeling in my heart and I am not sure I am able to convey it through my words.
They are like having your favorite dessert every night.
They are your anchor when you feel like you are drifting out to sea.
They are solid ground when you feel like you are sinking in the mud.
They are like a child's giggle when you tickle their belly.
They are your sunshine on those cloudy days.
They are a sound proof room when you have to scream.
They are a warm cozy blanket on a chilly day in spring.
They are your navigator when you it seems you are a little lost.
They can finish any sentence you begin to speak.
They will be there to join you when you want to act silly.
I just spent a few days with my BFF. Wow !!!! What a reminder of just how important she is in my life. We can sit and talk about everything and the time just flys by. When we sit and talk I feel so connected and I know she is listening!!! That is something I think every person on earth finds important. Some one who will listen. We don't want you to fix anything, we don't necessarily need any advice. We DO want validation and encouragement. I believe that advice and encouragement are two different beasts. I guess it is all in the delivery.
My BFF and I can also be very silly and have fun doing goofy things. She lives in Payson and now is the time for elk to be wandering all about. We set out at 5:30am on Wednesday morn in search of elk. We weren't able to find any then but decided to do another hunt at dusk. Several people gave us the best spots to find them. We cooked a great meal and took of just before dusk. We went to a spot that was not only elk friendly but was so beautiful. There was a creek and lots of greenery and trees. We did spot a couple of does. We stopped the car and the girls looked our way. We were so excited. We weren't sure if they were BFFs or maybe even mom and daughter. They did seem to rely on each other for safety. Just like my BFF and me. We didn't see any other elk but maybe that is just the way it was supposed to be. Two very different pair of friends but yet maybe very much the same.
My prayer is for everyone to find that special friend that you can always count on to be where ever you need them to be when ever you need them. I hope I made sense. I know what I am feeling in my heart and I am not sure I am able to convey it through my words.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter
Well today is the Jesus died and rose from the dead just for us. That is a very good thing for me to remember right now.
I am not really sure why but I am feeling really sad today.
In fact I have not been this depressed in a very long time. I am very strong most of the time but I do have my moments. I think part of it is I am feeling like another one of my most important relationships in my life is slowly changing, just like I had expected it to. I tried to think it wouldn't but in my heart I knew it would.
That is why God gave us those seasons of our lives. People come and go in your life for a reason. You have all seen those emails explaining how it works. It is just something that happens. Some times you are ready for it and other times it is a very painful and sad time.
The good news is there is always something new and refreshing around the corner. Just have faith. I am not angry that this change is coming.......well maybe just a little. It has happened before and I just don't want to feel that loss again. I know God will lift me up and take care of me but it just plain hurts and I don't like that.
I guess I am being a little selfish. That is not a trait I want to bear. I want to be happy about change and be able to accept it for what it is .... change!!!!
Again I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends who love me and care about me. I will get over this sad thing soon. Today I am going to enjoy the special day ahead and be with friends and extended family.
I am not really sure why but I am feeling really sad today.
In fact I have not been this depressed in a very long time. I am very strong most of the time but I do have my moments. I think part of it is I am feeling like another one of my most important relationships in my life is slowly changing, just like I had expected it to. I tried to think it wouldn't but in my heart I knew it would.
That is why God gave us those seasons of our lives. People come and go in your life for a reason. You have all seen those emails explaining how it works. It is just something that happens. Some times you are ready for it and other times it is a very painful and sad time.
The good news is there is always something new and refreshing around the corner. Just have faith. I am not angry that this change is coming.......well maybe just a little. It has happened before and I just don't want to feel that loss again. I know God will lift me up and take care of me but it just plain hurts and I don't like that.
I guess I am being a little selfish. That is not a trait I want to bear. I want to be happy about change and be able to accept it for what it is .... change!!!!
Again I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends who love me and care about me. I will get over this sad thing soon. Today I am going to enjoy the special day ahead and be with friends and extended family.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
What makes you tick?
What is your passion in life? What makes you feel good? What gives you peace? Whatever that is make sure you indulge in it whenever you can.
I bet no one can guess what my passion is. A lot of you will say the horses. Well in part that is right. Being outside cleaning and fussing and raking and filling water and of course my fav scoopin poop. Another part of that is the chickens. I love going out and having a dozen or so chickens run down the drive to greet me. Sounds funny? It cracks me up every time I see it. Especially when the baby chicks start doing it.
Out back with the critters is where I feel my gratitude for everything God has provided. When I was first diagnosed I totally panicked. My heart was breaking thinking about my animals. Where would they go? Who is going to take them? Will they miss me and the home they have known for so long? I started emailing people and researching options for the horses, pony and mule. I call my bunch misfits. Who is gonna want my old horses and a crazy mule and a silly untrained pony? No one can love them like me.I am sure I probably even lost sleep over it.
Then as if He knew when enough was enough God did let me know that it was going to be okay.
"Hey, you are not going anywhere any time soon. I gave you those animals to take care of. You need them as much as they need you so stop fretting."
That is what I heard Him say to me. When I finally got it there was such a peace that came over me. As much as I get irritated at my dogs for barking and my cats for getting fur everywhere I wouldn't give that up for anything. My animals are my therapy. My escape when I am feelin a little blue. My daily exercise.
All I can say is if you are faced with a difficult situation such as cancer find what makes you tick and DO IT!!!! Indulge. There were times when I was outside trying to pick up poop and I was crying because I was so weak and feeling so sick. But I pushed myself to do it. One because it was exercise that you need and the other was to do something that meant so much to me and I wasn't going to let this "thing" beat me.
I bet no one can guess what my passion is. A lot of you will say the horses. Well in part that is right. Being outside cleaning and fussing and raking and filling water and of course my fav scoopin poop. Another part of that is the chickens. I love going out and having a dozen or so chickens run down the drive to greet me. Sounds funny? It cracks me up every time I see it. Especially when the baby chicks start doing it.
Out back with the critters is where I feel my gratitude for everything God has provided. When I was first diagnosed I totally panicked. My heart was breaking thinking about my animals. Where would they go? Who is going to take them? Will they miss me and the home they have known for so long? I started emailing people and researching options for the horses, pony and mule. I call my bunch misfits. Who is gonna want my old horses and a crazy mule and a silly untrained pony? No one can love them like me.I am sure I probably even lost sleep over it.
Then as if He knew when enough was enough God did let me know that it was going to be okay.
"Hey, you are not going anywhere any time soon. I gave you those animals to take care of. You need them as much as they need you so stop fretting."
That is what I heard Him say to me. When I finally got it there was such a peace that came over me. As much as I get irritated at my dogs for barking and my cats for getting fur everywhere I wouldn't give that up for anything. My animals are my therapy. My escape when I am feelin a little blue. My daily exercise.
All I can say is if you are faced with a difficult situation such as cancer find what makes you tick and DO IT!!!! Indulge. There were times when I was outside trying to pick up poop and I was crying because I was so weak and feeling so sick. But I pushed myself to do it. One because it was exercise that you need and the other was to do something that meant so much to me and I wasn't going to let this "thing" beat me.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Surround yourself with love !!!
For some strange reason I have been crying over everything the last few days. Dancing With The Stars, The Judds, music on the radio, and phone call from a special friend. I have tried tying it to the chemo, which by the way does mess with your hormones, but this is just a normal week as far as schedules would go. Next week or the week after I could connect it with the lack of poison in my body but not now.
I think it is some emotions that have been buried deep inside. The fact that I have three months to feel good and do everything possible that I can may have something to do with it. I am tearing up right now as I write. What the heck?
I have to say I have the most amazing support in the whole world. My friends are my heart and sole. If there was any way to thank them more than I can with my words I would. People complain about FaceBook but I couldn't have made it this far without all my friends on FB. It has been a constant link to all the love I can imagine. If you happen to read this and are not a FaceBook friend I want you to know I love you too. My dear friend Sheri and her daughter Sam have been by my side through thick and thin. Sam was a horseback riding student back when I gave lessons. We have continued our friendship and share the love of horses. I have another friend Michelle and her daughter Ashley who also are friends back from the horsey days. They also keep in touch and check in on me all the time.
I love you all.
I recommend a circle of love to surround you during any trial God sends your way. Prayer is one of the most powerful things a friend can do for you so let your circle know when you need a boost. Don't be afraid to ask!!! It will be a double blessing. You are blessing your friends by asking for prayer and allowing them to shower you with love and you are being blessed by the shower of love that flows over you.
I am proud to say that today is my son's 34th birthday. I am so proud of the man he has become. He is an awesome husband and the most incredible dad. Oh my I am crying now !!!!! Hang in there moms and dads. If you give your child the gift of guidance and show them the right roads to take they will surely come back to you and make you proud. Happy Birthday son. I LOVE YOU!
I think it is some emotions that have been buried deep inside. The fact that I have three months to feel good and do everything possible that I can may have something to do with it. I am tearing up right now as I write. What the heck?
I have to say I have the most amazing support in the whole world. My friends are my heart and sole. If there was any way to thank them more than I can with my words I would. People complain about FaceBook but I couldn't have made it this far without all my friends on FB. It has been a constant link to all the love I can imagine. If you happen to read this and are not a FaceBook friend I want you to know I love you too. My dear friend Sheri and her daughter Sam have been by my side through thick and thin. Sam was a horseback riding student back when I gave lessons. We have continued our friendship and share the love of horses. I have another friend Michelle and her daughter Ashley who also are friends back from the horsey days. They also keep in touch and check in on me all the time.
I love you all.
I recommend a circle of love to surround you during any trial God sends your way. Prayer is one of the most powerful things a friend can do for you so let your circle know when you need a boost. Don't be afraid to ask!!! It will be a double blessing. You are blessing your friends by asking for prayer and allowing them to shower you with love and you are being blessed by the shower of love that flows over you.
I am proud to say that today is my son's 34th birthday. I am so proud of the man he has become. He is an awesome husband and the most incredible dad. Oh my I am crying now !!!!! Hang in there moms and dads. If you give your child the gift of guidance and show them the right roads to take they will surely come back to you and make you proud. Happy Birthday son. I LOVE YOU!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
I made it !!!!!!
Thank you to all my followers. I haven't even touched the computer since last week. That is just the way it goes. It has been a little rough getting over the hump of the chemo but I think I am on the way. No !! I know I am on the way.
The first thing I do is pick up poop. That is how I know I am getting better. I did have help today but tomorrow I am on my own. I am sure you will be hearing from me soon. My brain has been in a holding pattern and I am sure it is ready to take flight any moment.
Love to all of you.
The first thing I do is pick up poop. That is how I know I am getting better. I did have help today but tomorrow I am on my own. I am sure you will be hearing from me soon. My brain has been in a holding pattern and I am sure it is ready to take flight any moment.
Love to all of you.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
My Two Year Anniversary
Well April 7th was my two year anniversary of the very first chemo I had. It may seem odd but I am giving my doctor an anniversary present. I asked Gary to stop by and get me a box of those yummy Fairytale Brownies. I will bring them to my office visit on Monday. Then after I hand him the brownies I will tell him he won't see me for a while. He is so awesome, he will laugh and totally agree(I hope).
I will have my chemo treatment right after my visit. I have been pretty mellow this week. I really think my body is tired. I haven't had a whole lot of energy and my drive to get out and do has been on the low side. This break is coming at just the right time.
I do find that when I get outside with the horses I am so much happier. I have all kinds of energy. I rake and scoop and make sure the chickens have what they need.I am ever so thankful for my animals. They are my energy, my strength, my "I want to get up and out and do stuff".
I recommend that you FIND the thing that makes you want to DO. Discover the place or food or hobby that makes you sing and dance. Then DO IT !!!! Don't sit and think about it do it! Even if it is for a few minutes, just that little bit will be the catalyst for more energy and more desire to get up and do more.
Also, be sure to acknowledge your doctor and his/her team for what they do. Remember I said it was very important to trust and respect your doctor. Well bringing goodies is a great way to show them you appreciate the care the take with you. I love my team and try to show it every time I come. I wear a big smile and come with laughter and love and sometimes goodies.
It looks like we will have another great week of weather.Get out there and make the most of it. Do something extra special this week just because you can.
I will have my chemo treatment right after my visit. I have been pretty mellow this week. I really think my body is tired. I haven't had a whole lot of energy and my drive to get out and do has been on the low side. This break is coming at just the right time.
I do find that when I get outside with the horses I am so much happier. I have all kinds of energy. I rake and scoop and make sure the chickens have what they need.I am ever so thankful for my animals. They are my energy, my strength, my "I want to get up and out and do stuff".
I recommend that you FIND the thing that makes you want to DO. Discover the place or food or hobby that makes you sing and dance. Then DO IT !!!! Don't sit and think about it do it! Even if it is for a few minutes, just that little bit will be the catalyst for more energy and more desire to get up and do more.
Also, be sure to acknowledge your doctor and his/her team for what they do. Remember I said it was very important to trust and respect your doctor. Well bringing goodies is a great way to show them you appreciate the care the take with you. I love my team and try to show it every time I come. I wear a big smile and come with laughter and love and sometimes goodies.
It looks like we will have another great week of weather.Get out there and make the most of it. Do something extra special this week just because you can.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Having A Bad Hair Day?
Well it has been a little while since I have written anything. When I have a chemo treatment I can say I will be down for a good week. Luckily I am right around the corner from a break. I will do one more treatment on April 11th then I am done until at least the 18th of July. Of course I need to tell my doc.
The second drug they had me on DID make my hair fall out. Ikes !!!!!!!! It is a really weird feeling to reach up and run your fingers through your hair and come up with a fist full. I can't say I freaked but it is a little alarming. I dealt with the fall out for a bit then I just wanted it off! I wanted the shedding to stop! I had a friend shave it. Ahhhhh !!! I gotta tell you for me it was a very freeing feeling. I remember thinking when I look in the mirror now I will see ME not my hair. It was true. There were days of course that I looked funkier then others to myself but if I put makeup on and got dressed in nice clothes the hair thing really didn't matter. I remember it was hot and the wig wasn't always the best option so I went bald pretty much everywhere. My friends all say I look good with no hair, that I can pull it off. That may or may not be true but when I look in the mirror I am okay with what I see.
I know that must be hard for some women. Let me try to encourage you to not fear the baldness.Hair does not define who you are or how your day is gonna turn out. No hair= no bad hair days. How cool is that ? So what if people look at you. You are just as beautiful with or without hair. Not having hair can also create new friends and experiences you may not have had. Hair grows back! That is a fact.
My grandson really only knows me without hair. He doesn't care. We look very much alike. I have a funny story about hair vs hair. I went to Las Vegas with my BFF and her daughter, husband and two granddaughters. Ellie was a baby maybe 3-5 months old at the time. I would sit next to her in the car when we were driving around. She first saw me with no hair. We would giggle and laugh together. One morning I got in the car with my wig. OMG that baby was in shock. She heard my voice but was freaked out by the hair. She even started to cry. I quickly removed the wig and it took a minute but then she gave me the biggest smile ever.
Hair doesn't matter !!! Well I guess it does keep your head warm. But other than that it really is not as important as you think. Here are a few benefits of no hair;
1. You save big bucks on shampoo & conditioner
2. No more having to use gels and goo to make it stay in place
3. Save on electricity because you won't need curling irons & hair dryers
4. Getting ready is a breeze, you save at least 10-15 minutes
5. When you wake up in the morning you won't have bed head hair
He is the greatest though. We had already talked about a break I am just missing it by one treatment.
So I wanted to chat about hair loss. Most women believe their hair defines how the day will go. I was so one of them and when I have hair again it will be that way again I am sure. When I first started chemo the drug I had made my hair thin quite a bit. I had a lot so it really didn't show that much. I did how ever go out and purchase a wig. The wig is adorable !!! I love it. Since my hair was not all gone I didn't wear it all that much.
The second drug they had me on DID make my hair fall out. Ikes !!!!!!!! It is a really weird feeling to reach up and run your fingers through your hair and come up with a fist full. I can't say I freaked but it is a little alarming. I dealt with the fall out for a bit then I just wanted it off! I wanted the shedding to stop! I had a friend shave it. Ahhhhh !!! I gotta tell you for me it was a very freeing feeling. I remember thinking when I look in the mirror now I will see ME not my hair. It was true. There were days of course that I looked funkier then others to myself but if I put makeup on and got dressed in nice clothes the hair thing really didn't matter. I remember it was hot and the wig wasn't always the best option so I went bald pretty much everywhere. My friends all say I look good with no hair, that I can pull it off. That may or may not be true but when I look in the mirror I am okay with what I see.
I know that must be hard for some women. Let me try to encourage you to not fear the baldness.Hair does not define who you are or how your day is gonna turn out. No hair= no bad hair days. How cool is that ? So what if people look at you. You are just as beautiful with or without hair. Not having hair can also create new friends and experiences you may not have had. Hair grows back! That is a fact.
My grandson really only knows me without hair. He doesn't care. We look very much alike. I have a funny story about hair vs hair. I went to Las Vegas with my BFF and her daughter, husband and two granddaughters. Ellie was a baby maybe 3-5 months old at the time. I would sit next to her in the car when we were driving around. She first saw me with no hair. We would giggle and laugh together. One morning I got in the car with my wig. OMG that baby was in shock. She heard my voice but was freaked out by the hair. She even started to cry. I quickly removed the wig and it took a minute but then she gave me the biggest smile ever.
Hair doesn't matter !!! Well I guess it does keep your head warm. But other than that it really is not as important as you think. Here are a few benefits of no hair;
1. You save big bucks on shampoo & conditioner
2. No more having to use gels and goo to make it stay in place
3. Save on electricity because you won't need curling irons & hair dryers
4. Getting ready is a breeze, you save at least 10-15 minutes
5. When you wake up in the morning you won't have bed head hair
Have fun with it. My friends threw me two hat parties.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Those Crazy Chickens
So as you know I am an animal lover. I let them get deep inside my sole. They make me who I am. Every now and then they do something to make me smile and giggle more than usual. This morning at 4:00am those crazy chickens did just that.
My stall area for the horses is about 80' long. It has a roof all the way across. One area of that is for my tack shed. My chicken have discovered that it is the ultimate roosting place. One or more even think it is great for laying eggs.... not so much. They tend to roll off. If I am lucky they don't crack and then in the refrig they go.
So this morning as I was feeding I looked up at the chickens and there was two of them snuggled right up against each other right on the edge of the shed. Now it doesn't sound like much but to me something as simple and goofy as that will make my day.
Take life and experience it. I find myself staring at the new batch of chicks. How cute and innocent they are. They like me are trying to survive. They have their mom and I have my God. If we both just listen and are obdient we will make it and in the process enjoy a full and exciting life.
My stall area for the horses is about 80' long. It has a roof all the way across. One area of that is for my tack shed. My chicken have discovered that it is the ultimate roosting place. One or more even think it is great for laying eggs.... not so much. They tend to roll off. If I am lucky they don't crack and then in the refrig they go.
So this morning as I was feeding I looked up at the chickens and there was two of them snuggled right up against each other right on the edge of the shed. Now it doesn't sound like much but to me something as simple and goofy as that will make my day.
Take life and experience it. I find myself staring at the new batch of chicks. How cute and innocent they are. They like me are trying to survive. They have their mom and I have my God. If we both just listen and are obdient we will make it and in the process enjoy a full and exciting life.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
My Blog page is kind of boring.
I just went to visit my friend Brooke's blog page and realized mine is rather boring in appearance. Give me some time and it will be not only good reading but a visual delight.
My Four Legged Motivation.... and some two legged too.
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| Amy and Ginger snuggling |
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| Stray, she is the BOSS ! |
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| Samantha & Minnie getting ready to ride. |
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| Bubba the mule. |
I am going to list the ones we have now and it might give you a little perspective of how much I love critters.
We currently have;
3 Horses - Stray, Minnie & Amy
1 Mule - Bubbha
1 Pony- Ginger
3 Dogs - Bustah, Corky & Blue
6 Indoor cats - Precious (18 yrs young), Paul, Junior, Boo-boo, Sylvia & our newest addition Psycho.
That's 14 right there. Ahhh but there is a few more.
3 Outside Stray Cats - Fluffy (she found us probaby 8 years ago), Little Guy, and now there is a new black & white cat hanging around eating with us. So That makes it 17 critters to care for. Not done yet. The chickens. I am not really sure on that number but there are about 10 Hens and 4 Roosters. Oh and Octi Mom ( she is a hen that recently raised had 5 chicks ) she now has a new batch of 7 chicks.
Some of you may remember Octi -Mom. She is an incredible mom. Her first batch started out with eight but through different circumstances lost three babies. Those five that were left did all grow up and are among the ten hens and four roosters. Octi-Mom fought off many hawk attacks. I even had the neighbors on hawk vs chicken alert. That hen would scream and scream when danger was near. She would put her babies somewhere safe and then put herself out there to draw the hawk away. I saw her get swooped upon a couple of time. My poor next door neighbor, one day she told me she was indisposed (if you know what I mean) and heard Octi-Mom screaming. She told me she felt frustrated because she couldn't get out there quick enough to help her. Those hawks are very agressive. They really had very little fear of me or any human for that matter.
Not all the chickens and roosters have names but some do. There is of course Octi-Mom, she has a twin sister so they were formally The Twins, then there is Funky Chicken who is my oldest rooster. He is a grandson of the first rooster I had a few years ago. Then we have Punky Chicken, and Blackie. Blackie is from Octi's last batch.
So lets see that was 17 four legged critters plus 14 two legged and then 7 chicks.......and a partridge in a pear tree. Well maybe not a partridge but maybe a hawk or two.
When I first was diagnosed I did panic. I was desperately trying to make arrangements for my horses, mule and pony. I was emailing people and asking my friends if they would take this one or that one. I didn't really get any positive responses...... so I thought. Well once again I have to bring the God thing up. I finally realized God was telling me Whoaa there sister. Did I say I you were going somewhere? Is there something you know that I don't? Which is impossible with God. I kind of had to stop and readjust my brain. God let me know that He was the one who gave me all these animals to take care of and He would make arrangements happen If and When it is necessary.
I realized that my animals were one of the things that would get me through this battle. I LOVE !!!!! scooping poop. When I go outside to do my chores I feel a special kind of peace fall over me. There have been so many times I just stand there and thank God for all that He has given me.
It is coming up on summer. It is HOT ! I know that and some days I wonder if it will ever be cool again. But for me it is also a wonderful time. I get outside early early early. In another month or two at this time in the morn I will be getting ready to go outside and start chores. Nothing like a desert sunrise. I look to the East and I am amazed at how awesome it is to see the sun coming up.
Well it is almost 5am now. I have already been out to feed the horses. It is a schedule I created years ago and I just can't seem to break it. But I do love my quiet time in the morn. My Sissy Suz spent the night because they had to turn the water off at the old house. I am anxious for her to wake up and we can sit and talk with a good cup-o-jo.
Love you all !!!! Have a great day.
Monday, March 21, 2011
How can I compare my life with those in Japan?
So I haven't really had anything on my mind that I thought was worth writing.....until now. I was so blessed today to spend some time with my very dear friend Sissy Suz. Sissy and her husband are in the process of moving to Payson. Her kids and grand kids are all in Payson and it just makes sense they should be there. God has blessed them with an awesome house there. On my way over I was overcome with a real sense of sadness. I knew when I walked into the all familiar house that I have spent soooo much time in that I would cry. Just like I am now as I write this. And I did !!! I hugged my sissy and held on for a few moments as I sobbed.
I am not loosing Suz but I guess the thought of not being able to just pick up and go see her seems dismal at the least. I actually have been through a very similar situation before and I think that brought up some old emotions.
Then there is Japan. I feel like how can I be sad or feel like I have been dealt a bad hand. What if you were a brand new mommy and a huge earthquake came and rocked your world. I keep seeing a new mom trying to survive under the circumstances I have seen in Japan. I can't even wrap my head around it. How overwhelming, devastating, hopeless, and desperate would I be. Can you even think of how anyone over there is even coping with that huge disaster. It just blows my mind. Every second of every day I am so blessed. I have a roof over my head and food in my refrig, I have a beautiful grandson and I know right where he is. I don't have to search under piles of broken homes. It really makes me think. It makes everything seem so small compared to that.
That is where faith would have to come in and take over. What other choice would you have. All I can say is be thankful...very very very thankful. And then be thankful again. Our hard times are never going to compare to that new mom that can't find diapers, food, a warm dry bed, or clean clothes and blankets for her baby.
It makes my cancer look like a common cold.
I am not loosing Suz but I guess the thought of not being able to just pick up and go see her seems dismal at the least. I actually have been through a very similar situation before and I think that brought up some old emotions.
Then there is Japan. I feel like how can I be sad or feel like I have been dealt a bad hand. What if you were a brand new mommy and a huge earthquake came and rocked your world. I keep seeing a new mom trying to survive under the circumstances I have seen in Japan. I can't even wrap my head around it. How overwhelming, devastating, hopeless, and desperate would I be. Can you even think of how anyone over there is even coping with that huge disaster. It just blows my mind. Every second of every day I am so blessed. I have a roof over my head and food in my refrig, I have a beautiful grandson and I know right where he is. I don't have to search under piles of broken homes. It really makes me think. It makes everything seem so small compared to that.
That is where faith would have to come in and take over. What other choice would you have. All I can say is be thankful...very very very thankful. And then be thankful again. Our hard times are never going to compare to that new mom that can't find diapers, food, a warm dry bed, or clean clothes and blankets for her baby.
It makes my cancer look like a common cold.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Living by Faith
Good morning! I was going to try and sleep in but I had a run in with a coyote yesterday morning. It was right outside my side door and it was after a couple of my chickens. I am going to be on the watch today. Ahhh life on the farm. Always a surprise.
So I don't want to go all spiritual on you but I really feel like I need to share that part of my life. It is after all the number one reason I live like I do. Being a believer in Christ and putting your heart and soul into that belief is one of the most calming yet confusing things I have done. I am not a big reader so I don't read the bible anywhere near what I should. Right now I am not even going to church on any kind of regular basis. But my heart lives by the fact that there is a God and He loves me. That one simple thing is what makes me feel safe and at peace with my disease. I often wonder what people do when they don't have Jesus in their life. Where do they turn for comfort?
Don't get me wrong. I still have thoughts like "why me" or "I can't take this anymore". But they usually only are there for a moment and then I remember who is watching over me and has a plan for me and then I am good again.
Being a Christian doesn't mean your life is easy. It is actually one of the hardest things you will experience. God doesn't hand you things on a plate. You have choices and decisions to make. But when you pray and focus on God the choices and decisions become so much more clear. For me anyway.
If you do not believe in God I suggest you look into it. There is a lot to learn and it does get confusing. But the rewards are amazing. Well I guess that is enough on that at least for now. I will mention my faith from time to time because without it I wouldn't even be writing this blog. Have a great day !!!!!
So I don't want to go all spiritual on you but I really feel like I need to share that part of my life. It is after all the number one reason I live like I do. Being a believer in Christ and putting your heart and soul into that belief is one of the most calming yet confusing things I have done. I am not a big reader so I don't read the bible anywhere near what I should. Right now I am not even going to church on any kind of regular basis. But my heart lives by the fact that there is a God and He loves me. That one simple thing is what makes me feel safe and at peace with my disease. I often wonder what people do when they don't have Jesus in their life. Where do they turn for comfort?
Don't get me wrong. I still have thoughts like "why me" or "I can't take this anymore". But they usually only are there for a moment and then I remember who is watching over me and has a plan for me and then I am good again.
Being a Christian doesn't mean your life is easy. It is actually one of the hardest things you will experience. God doesn't hand you things on a plate. You have choices and decisions to make. But when you pray and focus on God the choices and decisions become so much more clear. For me anyway.
If you do not believe in God I suggest you look into it. There is a lot to learn and it does get confusing. But the rewards are amazing. Well I guess that is enough on that at least for now. I will mention my faith from time to time because without it I wouldn't even be writing this blog. Have a great day !!!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
More DOs
I have soooooo much stuff running through my head it kinda hurts. Just kidding. I do have a lot of thoughts though that I do so want to share.
Another do. Do allow yourself as many days as you need to bounce back from whatever treatment you are having. BUT !!!! the second you even start to feel better get up and get going. My treatments are every other week. It is so funny because everyone knows we call it "bad week" "good week". Many of my friends keep up with my schedule and we make plans all around my "good weeks". It is a little annoying to live like that BUT !!!! the point is you are LIVING !!! Look at every second different. You will find that some things you thought might be the most important are merely a speck in the whole picture.
I have done things that I never would have done if not for the cancer. Plan vacations !!!!! So far I have been to a dude ranch, visited my son, his wife and my grandson in Seattle, the big one was a cruise to Europe with three of my BFFs. Talk about fun !!! People ask me what I liked best and I always have to say just being with my friends. What an experience. I am going back up to Seattle in May and then Gary and I will be going on our third cruise to Alaska. The other two I wasn't sick though. I love Alaska!
Another BIG do is when you go ANYWHERE fix yourself up. Put makeup on, your wig if you have/need one and put some nice clothes on. NO sweat pants allowed. You feel so much better. My friends have a hard time realizing I am sick because I try to look good , therefore I feel good, therefore I look good. See how it kinda works.
Every situation is different. You have to learn the pattern of how you are going to feel and plan around it. Alright I guess enough for now.
Another do. Do allow yourself as many days as you need to bounce back from whatever treatment you are having. BUT !!!! the second you even start to feel better get up and get going. My treatments are every other week. It is so funny because everyone knows we call it "bad week" "good week". Many of my friends keep up with my schedule and we make plans all around my "good weeks". It is a little annoying to live like that BUT !!!! the point is you are LIVING !!! Look at every second different. You will find that some things you thought might be the most important are merely a speck in the whole picture.
I have done things that I never would have done if not for the cancer. Plan vacations !!!!! So far I have been to a dude ranch, visited my son, his wife and my grandson in Seattle, the big one was a cruise to Europe with three of my BFFs. Talk about fun !!! People ask me what I liked best and I always have to say just being with my friends. What an experience. I am going back up to Seattle in May and then Gary and I will be going on our third cruise to Alaska. The other two I wasn't sick though. I love Alaska!
Another BIG do is when you go ANYWHERE fix yourself up. Put makeup on, your wig if you have/need one and put some nice clothes on. NO sweat pants allowed. You feel so much better. My friends have a hard time realizing I am sick because I try to look good , therefore I feel good, therefore I look good. See how it kinda works.
Every situation is different. You have to learn the pattern of how you are going to feel and plan around it. Alright I guess enough for now.
The DOs of LIVING with cancer.
Good morning !!!!! Finally feeling like a human again. I can't really explain how it feels I just know it doesn't feel right. Overall though this has been an easy round of treatments. YAHOO !!!!!
So if and when you are diagnosed with cancer, or even if some one you know and love is there are some things you should do.
1. BE POSITIVE !!!!! Don't let the words scare you or freak you out. It is what it is and you have to move forward. Do it in a positive way. If you are a Christian you know God has a plan. Your part in that is to be obedient and most of all have FAITH. Surround yourself with happy, positive people. You are allowed a pity party every so often but you should be the only guest. Think about how you are going to beat the disease and how you are going to LIVE with it. I am not saying it is easy. It's not! Just like anything else in life you have to want it.
2. Make sure you trust and respect your doctor and the staff he works with. Including the receptionist and all the nurses. I love my doctor. He and all the people at the office have become a huge ! part of my life. Like an extended family. One of the reasons we have that relationship is because I come into that office with a smile and a laugh every time. Your doctor is not a miracle worker (only God is) , he can only do what he knows is best for you. Don't ask silly questions like How long do I have to live? Am I going to die? Every patient is different.Your doctor is there to provide as much as care as he is capable of. When I got my diagnoses I asked "Can we manage this?'. His answer was absolutely. And we have !!! For two years now.
3. Take charge of your care and your body. Get copies of all your test results and lab work. Get to really know your body. Only you can feel what is going on. Your doctor will appreciate it too. My doctor laughs because on my visit I will tell him what I have in mind for treatments. Like now I told him I would like to go through April with chemo then I need a break. He gets a kick out of that but I know he appreciates that I know what I can take and will ask for it. I am sure if he didn't agree he would let me know.
4. Surround yourself with friends and family that will laugh with you. I say that again because if it weren't for all the positive encouragement I get I probably would have given up a long time ago. It may sound funny but FaceBook has been such a great way to share my stories and when I feel like caca I let my friends know. I receive a lot of prayer and for me that is very important. When I first started chemo I a couple of chemo parties right there in the big room. One group of friends even brought a crock pot full of yummy food. We laughed and had such a good time.
Well I guess that is enough for today. It is only 4:08am. I love this time of day, but I can see my typing is a little crazy. I might even venture out today. I will of course be scooping poop. That is what I do after all.
So if and when you are diagnosed with cancer, or even if some one you know and love is there are some things you should do.
1. BE POSITIVE !!!!! Don't let the words scare you or freak you out. It is what it is and you have to move forward. Do it in a positive way. If you are a Christian you know God has a plan. Your part in that is to be obedient and most of all have FAITH. Surround yourself with happy, positive people. You are allowed a pity party every so often but you should be the only guest. Think about how you are going to beat the disease and how you are going to LIVE with it. I am not saying it is easy. It's not! Just like anything else in life you have to want it.
2. Make sure you trust and respect your doctor and the staff he works with. Including the receptionist and all the nurses. I love my doctor. He and all the people at the office have become a huge ! part of my life. Like an extended family. One of the reasons we have that relationship is because I come into that office with a smile and a laugh every time. Your doctor is not a miracle worker (only God is) , he can only do what he knows is best for you. Don't ask silly questions like How long do I have to live? Am I going to die? Every patient is different.Your doctor is there to provide as much as care as he is capable of. When I got my diagnoses I asked "Can we manage this?'. His answer was absolutely. And we have !!! For two years now.
3. Take charge of your care and your body. Get copies of all your test results and lab work. Get to really know your body. Only you can feel what is going on. Your doctor will appreciate it too. My doctor laughs because on my visit I will tell him what I have in mind for treatments. Like now I told him I would like to go through April with chemo then I need a break. He gets a kick out of that but I know he appreciates that I know what I can take and will ask for it. I am sure if he didn't agree he would let me know.
4. Surround yourself with friends and family that will laugh with you. I say that again because if it weren't for all the positive encouragement I get I probably would have given up a long time ago. It may sound funny but FaceBook has been such a great way to share my stories and when I feel like caca I let my friends know. I receive a lot of prayer and for me that is very important. When I first started chemo I a couple of chemo parties right there in the big room. One group of friends even brought a crock pot full of yummy food. We laughed and had such a good time.
Well I guess that is enough for today. It is only 4:08am. I love this time of day, but I can see my typing is a little crazy. I might even venture out today. I will of course be scooping poop. That is what I do after all.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
In the beginning part II
Sorry to leave ya hanging out there but first things first. Before I get back to the story of how this all came about I want to do a CT Scan update. I had my last one on Thursday March 10,2011. It was only three weeks after my last one. He had me a little concerned. The results were good. Nothing has changed. That really is a good thing. What they think is happening is the actual cancer is lessening and it is just leaving scars. I'll take it !!!!!!! Well back to the story so we can get on with more stories and encouragement.
So back to ER we went on Sunday morning. Like I said no shower no prep for staying. They did the CT Scan and found suspicious things (not sure on the techy term). They suggested I stay over and have a biopsy on Monday morn. Okay that sounds a little scary but I am not one to scare easy. At this time I am thinking Valley Fever. What else would it be? No one plays in the dirt and dust more than me so it just makes sense. The hospital sent in a pulmonary specialist to talk to me. I can' remember much of what he said but I do remember him saying"You know this could be cancer?"No I really hadn't gone with that angle. He said they would send in an oncologist to talk to me.
That is the first time I met my now very special doctor Dr. P Bhalla. Well after he left I was sure I had cancer. He was very nice but very direct and didn't sugar coat anything. He arranged an appointment for me at his office for Tuesday after I get out of the hospital.
I had my biopsy as scheduled and went home that afternoon. I got to say my head was spinning but all along I know my faith in God will get me through. I am a christian and believe that God is my rock. If I keep my eyes focused on Him I can get through anything. On Tuesday I went to Bhalla's office and we scheduled a PET Scan. That is a much more intense test than the CT scan.
The scan was on that Thursday. Things were moving fast. On Friday I was out riding with my Granddaughter and a very good friend. I was on my goofy pony Ginger. My phone started ringing and Ginger didn't like it I am trying to answer my phone while Ginger is spinning around. I finally just tossed the phone to get the ringing out of poor Ginger's ear. I got off and retrieved the phone from somewhere in the alfalfa field. I listened to the message and it was my doctor, Dr. Bhalla himself. Now my heart was pounding. That can't be good if he is calling himself. A little freaked out we finished the ride back to the trailer. I tried calling back but didn't get through. Then another call came from their office which somehow I missed too. This telephone tag was getting just a little crazy. They were trying to make sure I had made a follow-up appointment to get my results. I did already have one so all was well.
On March 24th, 2009 at 1:00pm Gary and I went to my appointment. Of course you are praying for the best but are nervous for the worst. It turns out I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. It is colon cancer that had spread to my lungs. This kind of came as a shock because the brush I had with colon cancer was back in 2000 and was considered Stage I which requires no treatment of any kind.
Oh well it is what it is. Dr. Bhalla explained a little then passed me on to his nurse Dianne. Dianne is one of the dearest people you will ever find. She has turned out to be a huge part of my life and I love her dearly. Anyway Dianne gave me a huge packaged of info and carefully explained what was going to happen. And off we go on the next two year journey that has been an amazing walk. I think that gives you the basics. I hope if you read this you will laugh with me and maybe even cry with me. If you do have cancer that you will learn how to LIVE !!!! with it and make the most of every second of every day. Even the yucky ones.
So back to ER we went on Sunday morning. Like I said no shower no prep for staying. They did the CT Scan and found suspicious things (not sure on the techy term). They suggested I stay over and have a biopsy on Monday morn. Okay that sounds a little scary but I am not one to scare easy. At this time I am thinking Valley Fever. What else would it be? No one plays in the dirt and dust more than me so it just makes sense. The hospital sent in a pulmonary specialist to talk to me. I can' remember much of what he said but I do remember him saying"You know this could be cancer?"No I really hadn't gone with that angle. He said they would send in an oncologist to talk to me.
That is the first time I met my now very special doctor Dr. P Bhalla. Well after he left I was sure I had cancer. He was very nice but very direct and didn't sugar coat anything. He arranged an appointment for me at his office for Tuesday after I get out of the hospital.
I had my biopsy as scheduled and went home that afternoon. I got to say my head was spinning but all along I know my faith in God will get me through. I am a christian and believe that God is my rock. If I keep my eyes focused on Him I can get through anything. On Tuesday I went to Bhalla's office and we scheduled a PET Scan. That is a much more intense test than the CT scan.
The scan was on that Thursday. Things were moving fast. On Friday I was out riding with my Granddaughter and a very good friend. I was on my goofy pony Ginger. My phone started ringing and Ginger didn't like it I am trying to answer my phone while Ginger is spinning around. I finally just tossed the phone to get the ringing out of poor Ginger's ear. I got off and retrieved the phone from somewhere in the alfalfa field. I listened to the message and it was my doctor, Dr. Bhalla himself. Now my heart was pounding. That can't be good if he is calling himself. A little freaked out we finished the ride back to the trailer. I tried calling back but didn't get through. Then another call came from their office which somehow I missed too. This telephone tag was getting just a little crazy. They were trying to make sure I had made a follow-up appointment to get my results. I did already have one so all was well.
On March 24th, 2009 at 1:00pm Gary and I went to my appointment. Of course you are praying for the best but are nervous for the worst. It turns out I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. It is colon cancer that had spread to my lungs. This kind of came as a shock because the brush I had with colon cancer was back in 2000 and was considered Stage I which requires no treatment of any kind.
Oh well it is what it is. Dr. Bhalla explained a little then passed me on to his nurse Dianne. Dianne is one of the dearest people you will ever find. She has turned out to be a huge part of my life and I love her dearly. Anyway Dianne gave me a huge packaged of info and carefully explained what was going to happen. And off we go on the next two year journey that has been an amazing walk. I think that gives you the basics. I hope if you read this you will laugh with me and maybe even cry with me. If you do have cancer that you will learn how to LIVE !!!! with it and make the most of every second of every day. Even the yucky ones.
Monday, March 14, 2011
In the beginning
It was two years ago my journey began. In mid February of 2009 I was still working at Target. I was getting ready for work and I started coughing. It sounds gross but some phlem came up and I spit it out. There it was, the smallest amount of blood. Just like a thin thread. I thought it was odd so I mentioned it to my peeps at work. Eeeek !! they all went crazy and said get to a doctor, quick!
I did go to ER on Saturday morning. Of course they took xrays. A Nurse practitioner came in to give me my results. This is what she said ( I will never forget it) "well cancer looks different" "yours just looks gunky". What the heck is gunky? Well she gave me the standard Zpack and said I had walking pneumonia. Hummm? I didn't feel sick.
She also advised I see my regular doctor after a few days. Well when some one tells you you are sick you actually start feeling sick. It was so silly. After a few days I made the appointment with my regular doctor. He also took x-rays. He also said he didn't see anything going on and sent me on my way. He did say I should come back in a month for a follow up.
Off I went, back to work and feeling great. A month goes by and I should be going back to the doctor. I remember it was a Saturday and I coughed again and this time a rather sizable amount of blood was present. Wow! That's not good I thought. Well being the person I am I took a shower, got the horses fed and cleaned my poop ( horse poop that is)( you will find I talk about my poop a lot) and made sure things were in order in case they made me stay in the hospital. My husband Gary and I went back to ER.
One of the male nurses remembered me. He said" you were in here before, you had a fractured rib" What !!!!???? I said " yes I was in here but not for that. I don't have a fractured rib. He showed me the xray. For goodness sake I DID have a fractured rib. Once again the xray did not produce anything odd but they referred me to a pulmonary specialist. Off we went back home.
Later that day the phone rang and it was the hospital. The radiologist that read my x-ray had seen something and wanted me back for a CT Scan. Well I guess you could say that was a defining moment for the story for the next two years.
We didn't go back that day we waited and went Sunday morning. This time no shower, no chores. After all I was just going for a CT Scan.
The rest of this story later. I have to go do my poop chores and get ready for chemo.
I did go to ER on Saturday morning. Of course they took xrays. A Nurse practitioner came in to give me my results. This is what she said ( I will never forget it) "well cancer looks different" "yours just looks gunky". What the heck is gunky? Well she gave me the standard Zpack and said I had walking pneumonia. Hummm? I didn't feel sick.
She also advised I see my regular doctor after a few days. Well when some one tells you you are sick you actually start feeling sick. It was so silly. After a few days I made the appointment with my regular doctor. He also took x-rays. He also said he didn't see anything going on and sent me on my way. He did say I should come back in a month for a follow up.
Off I went, back to work and feeling great. A month goes by and I should be going back to the doctor. I remember it was a Saturday and I coughed again and this time a rather sizable amount of blood was present. Wow! That's not good I thought. Well being the person I am I took a shower, got the horses fed and cleaned my poop ( horse poop that is)( you will find I talk about my poop a lot) and made sure things were in order in case they made me stay in the hospital. My husband Gary and I went back to ER.
One of the male nurses remembered me. He said" you were in here before, you had a fractured rib" What !!!!???? I said " yes I was in here but not for that. I don't have a fractured rib. He showed me the xray. For goodness sake I DID have a fractured rib. Once again the xray did not produce anything odd but they referred me to a pulmonary specialist. Off we went back home.
Later that day the phone rang and it was the hospital. The radiologist that read my x-ray had seen something and wanted me back for a CT Scan. Well I guess you could say that was a defining moment for the story for the next two years.
We didn't go back that day we waited and went Sunday morning. This time no shower, no chores. After all I was just going for a CT Scan.
The rest of this story later. I have to go do my poop chores and get ready for chemo.
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