Staying connected

Well here it is July 26th already. Just as I imagined the trip to Alaska is behind me and chemo looms before me.  Time is sure a funny thing.  In the moment you feel as if the day will never end and then blink....... and you are transformed into the future which is really just a month from that very long day.

I have had one chemo treatment already. My PET Scan results were not as I had prayed but not as bad as it could have been. The spots did progress again but in very small increments. We are talking one or two millimeters.  So we must press on with the chemo.  My body sure knows what is happening.  All those nasty side effects that finally went away after three months BAM! are back as if they never left.  My plan although I forgot to mention it to my doc are to go four treatments and take a small break. Kind of like two months on and one off.  That gives me something to look forward to anyway.

One thing I have noticed is my emotional disconnection.  During the week of chemo I am pretty much out of commission.  I communicate very little either by phone or computer.  I just don't feel like talking.  I am trying hard just to endure the yucks.  But when that happens there is a huge disconnect in my relationships.  I now feel like I am on the outside looking in.  My world is in motion but without me in it.  I am not really sure how to fix that.  I know all my friends are out there praying for me and I know they think about me but inside my head there is a sadness and a loneliness that just kind of tugs at me.  I guess I will have to pray about that.  Some how I need to stay connected both emotionally and physically.

An update on Annie.  She is doing really well.  I have discovered she is more puppy than I thought.  She has some chewing issues but I have lots of chew toys and treats to help with that.  The cats are almost okay with her.  They will come out of hiding now and join us in the evening again.  She is a real blessing and I do love her so.