BFFs The The Ying and Yang

Best friends.
They are like having your favorite dessert every night.
They are your anchor when you feel like you are drifting out to sea.
They are solid ground when you feel like you are sinking in the mud.
They are like a child's giggle when you tickle their belly.
They are your sunshine on those cloudy days.
They are a sound proof room when you have to scream.
They are a warm cozy blanket on a chilly day in spring.
They are your navigator when you it seems you are a little lost.
They can finish any sentence you begin to speak.
They will be there to join you when you want to act silly.

I just spent a few days with my BFF. Wow !!!! What a reminder of just how important she is in my life.  We can sit and talk about everything and the time just flys by. When we sit and talk I feel so connected and I know she is listening!!! That is something I think every person on earth finds important. Some one who will listen. We don't want you to fix anything, we don't necessarily need any advice. We DO want validation and encouragement. I believe that advice and encouragement are two different beasts. I guess it is all in the delivery.

My BFF and I can also be very silly and have fun doing goofy things. She lives in Payson and now is the time for elk to be wandering all about. We set out at 5:30am on Wednesday morn in search of elk. We weren't able to find any then but decided to do another hunt at dusk. Several people gave us the best spots to find them.  We cooked a great meal and took of just before dusk. We went to a spot that was not only elk friendly but was so beautiful. There was a creek and lots of greenery and trees. We did spot a couple of does. We stopped the car and the girls looked our way. We were so excited. We weren't sure if they were BFFs or maybe even mom and daughter. They did seem to rely on each other for safety. Just like my BFF and me. We didn't see any other elk but maybe that is just the way it was supposed to be. Two very different pair of friends but yet maybe very much the same.

My prayer is for everyone to find that special friend that you can always count on to be where ever you need them to be when ever you need them. I hope I made sense. I know what I am feeling in my heart and I am not sure I am able to convey it through my words.

Happy Easter

Well today is the Jesus died and rose from the dead just for us. That is a very good thing for me to remember right now.

I am not really sure why but I am feeling really sad today.

In fact I have not been this depressed in a very long time. I am very strong most of the time but I do have my moments. I think part of it is I am feeling like another one of my most important relationships in my life is slowly changing, just like I had expected it to. I tried to think it wouldn't but in my heart I knew it would.

That is why God gave us those seasons of our lives. People come and go in your life for a reason. You have all seen those emails explaining how it works. It is just something that happens. Some times you are ready for it and other times it is a very painful and sad time.

The good news is there is always something new and refreshing around the corner. Just have faith. I am not angry that this change is coming.......well maybe just a little. It has happened before and I just don't want to feel that loss again. I know God will lift me up and take care of me but it just plain hurts and I don't like that.

I guess I am being a little selfish. That is not a trait I want to bear. I want to be happy about change and be able to accept it for what it is .... change!!!!

Again I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends who love me and care about me. I will get over this sad thing soon. Today I am going to enjoy the special day ahead and be with friends and extended family.

What makes you tick?

What is your passion in life? What makes you feel good? What gives you peace?  Whatever that is make sure you indulge in it whenever you can.

I bet no one can guess what my passion is. A lot of you will say the horses. Well in part that is right. Being outside cleaning and fussing and raking and filling water and of course my fav scoopin poop. Another part of that is the chickens. I love going out and having a dozen or so chickens run down the drive to greet me. Sounds funny? It cracks me up every time I see it. Especially when the baby chicks start doing it.

Out back with the critters is where I feel my gratitude for everything God has provided. When I was first diagnosed I totally panicked. My heart was breaking thinking about my animals. Where would they go? Who is going to take them? Will they miss me and the home they have known for so long? I started emailing people and researching options for the horses, pony and mule. I call my bunch misfits. Who is gonna want my old horses and a crazy mule and a silly untrained pony? No one can love them like me.I am sure I probably even lost sleep over it.

Then as if He knew when enough was enough God did let me know that it was going to be okay.

"Hey, you are not going anywhere any time soon. I gave you those animals to take care of. You need them as much as they need you so stop fretting."
That is what I heard Him say to me. When I finally got it there was such a peace that came over me. As much as I get irritated at my dogs for barking and my cats for getting fur everywhere I wouldn't give that up for anything. My animals are my therapy. My escape when I am feelin a little blue. My daily exercise.

All I can say is if you are faced with a difficult situation such as cancer find what makes you tick and DO IT!!!! Indulge. There were times when I was outside trying to pick up poop and I was crying because I was so weak and feeling so sick. But I pushed myself to do it. One because it was exercise that you need and the other was to do something that meant so much to me and I wasn't going to let this "thing" beat me.

Surround yourself with love !!!

For some strange reason I have been crying over everything the last few days. Dancing With The Stars, The Judds, music on the radio, and phone call from a special friend. I have tried tying it to the chemo, which by the way does mess with your hormones, but this is just a normal week as far as schedules would go. Next week or the week after I could connect it with the lack of poison in my body but not now.

I think it is some emotions that have been buried deep inside. The fact that I have three months to feel good and do everything possible that I can may have something to do with it. I am tearing up right now as I write. What the heck?

I have to say I have the most amazing support in the whole world. My friends are my heart and sole. If there was any way to thank them more than I can with my words I would. People complain about FaceBook but I couldn't have made it this far without all my friends on FB. It has been a constant link to all the love I can imagine. If you happen to read this and are not a FaceBook friend I want you to know I love you too. My dear friend Sheri and her daughter Sam have been by my side through thick and thin. Sam was a horseback riding student back when I gave lessons. We have continued our friendship and share the love of horses. I have another friend Michelle and her daughter Ashley who also are friends back from the horsey days. They also keep in touch and check in on me all the time.

I love you all. 

I recommend a circle of love to surround you during any trial God sends your way. Prayer is one of the most powerful things a friend can do for you so let your circle know when you need a boost. Don't be afraid to ask!!! It will be a double blessing. You are blessing your friends by asking for prayer and allowing them to shower you with love and you are being blessed by the shower of love that flows over you.

I am proud to say that today is my son's 34th birthday. I am so proud of the man he has become. He is an awesome husband and the most incredible dad. Oh my I am crying now !!!!! Hang in there moms and dads. If you give your child the gift of guidance and show them the right roads to take they will surely come back to you and make you proud. Happy Birthday son. I LOVE YOU!

I made it !!!!!!

Thank you to all my followers. I haven't even touched the computer since last week. That is just the way it goes. It has been a little rough getting over the hump of the chemo but I think I am on the way. No !! I know I am on the way.

The first thing I do is pick up poop. That is how I know I am getting better. I did have help today but tomorrow I am on my own. I am sure you will be hearing from me soon. My brain has been in a holding pattern and I am sure it is ready to take flight any moment.

Love to all of you.

My Two Year Anniversary

Well April 7th was my two year anniversary of the very first chemo I had. It may seem odd but I am giving my doctor an anniversary present. I asked Gary to stop by and get me a box of those yummy Fairytale Brownies. I will bring them to my office visit on Monday. Then after I hand him the brownies I will tell him he won't see me for a while. He is so awesome, he will laugh and totally agree(I hope).

I will have my chemo treatment right after my visit. I have been pretty mellow this week. I really think my body is tired. I haven't had a whole lot of energy and my drive to get out and do has been on the low side. This break is coming at just the right time.

I do find that when I get outside with the horses I am so much happier. I have all kinds of energy. I rake and scoop and make sure the chickens have what they need.I am ever so thankful for my animals. They are my energy, my strength, my "I want to get up and out and do stuff".

I recommend that you FIND the thing that makes you want to DO. Discover the place or food or hobby that makes you sing and dance. Then DO IT !!!! Don't sit and think about it do it! Even if it is for a few minutes, just that little bit will be the catalyst for more energy and more desire to get up and do more.

Also, be sure to acknowledge your doctor and his/her team for what they do. Remember I said it was very important to trust and respect your doctor. Well bringing goodies is a great way to show them you appreciate the care the take with you. I love my team and try to show it every time I come. I wear a big smile and come with laughter and love and sometimes goodies.

It looks like we will have another great week of weather.Get out there and make the most of it. Do something extra special this week just because you can.

Having A Bad Hair Day?

Well it has been a little while since I have written anything. When I have a chemo treatment I can say I will be down for a good week. Luckily I am right around the corner from a break. I will do one more treatment on April 11th then I am done until at least the 18th of July. Of course I need to tell my doc.

He is the greatest though. We had already talked about a break I am just missing it by one treatment.

So I wanted to chat about hair loss. Most women believe their hair defines how the day will go. I was so one of them and when I have hair again it will be that way again I am sure. When I first started chemo the drug I had made my hair thin quite a bit. I had a lot so it really didn't show that much. I did how ever go out and purchase a wig. The wig is adorable !!! I love it. Since my hair was not all gone I didn't wear it all that much.

The second drug they had me on DID make my hair fall out. Ikes !!!!!!!! It is a really weird feeling to reach up and run your fingers through your hair and come up with a fist full. I can't say I freaked but it is a little alarming. I dealt with the fall out for a bit then I just wanted it off! I wanted the shedding to stop! I had a friend shave it. Ahhhhh !!! I gotta tell you for me it was a very freeing feeling. I remember thinking when I look in the mirror now I will see ME not my hair. It was true. There were days of course that I looked funkier then others to myself but if I put makeup on and got dressed in nice clothes the hair thing really didn't matter. I remember it was hot and the wig wasn't always the best option so I went bald pretty much everywhere. My friends all say I look good with no hair, that I can pull it off. That may or may not be true but when I look in the mirror I am okay with what I see.

I know that must be hard for some women. Let me try to encourage you to not fear the baldness.Hair does not define who you are or how your day is gonna turn out. No hair= no bad hair days. How cool is that ? So what if people look at you. You are just as beautiful with or without hair. Not having hair can also create new friends and experiences you may not have had. Hair grows back! That is a fact.

My grandson really only knows me without hair. He doesn't care. We look very much alike. I have a funny story about hair vs hair. I went to Las Vegas with my BFF and her daughter, husband and two granddaughters. Ellie was a baby maybe 3-5 months old at the time. I would sit next to her in the car when we were driving around. She first saw me with no hair. We would giggle and laugh together. One morning I got in the car with my wig. OMG that baby was in shock. She heard my voice but was freaked out by the hair. She even started to cry. I quickly removed the wig and it took a minute but then she gave me the biggest smile ever.

Hair doesn't matter !!! Well I guess it does keep your head warm. But other than that it really is not as important as you think. Here are a few benefits of no hair;
1. You save big bucks on shampoo & conditioner
2. No more having to use gels and goo to make it stay in place
3. Save on electricity because you won't need curling irons & hair dryers
4. Getting ready is a breeze, you save at least 10-15 minutes
5. When you wake up in the morning you won't have bed head hair

Have fun with it. My friends threw me two hat parties.